Hey, let's see if we can't piss somebody off this month.
How about...
Women?
Here goes: Doc (long-time client and friend) calls me yesterday in a near-panic. Says, "I am more confused than ever! I don't see how anybody can sell anything to women at all. All they want to do is loll around in an emotional fog, feeling things. It's scary!"
"Ah, Doc," I reply soothingly, "it ain't that bad. Go ask your wife..."
"No way! She's one of 'em! Probably downstairs in the television room this very minute, sharing feelings with Oprah and her evil cabal..."
Eventually he calmed down, and I didn't have to dial 911. He was even laughing about it... a little... by the time we hung up. Shaken, but not so frightened anymore.
What had caused this reaction? Simple. Doc is a rabid marketer with a brilliant mind, always sniffing around new opportunities for his direct marketing business. Very successful in several ventures into male-dominated markets (sports stuff)... and very eager to tap into the larger female markets out there. Bombed with his first weight-loss product, but knew the numbers were there for other marketers, and was frustrated that he couldn't seem to "crack the code" on... selling to women.
So I gave him a homework assignment. Told him to hustle down to the local magazine rack and pick up every major women's magazine there: Oprah (you can't miss it, she's always on the cover), Cosmo, Red Book, Mademoiselle, Self, Glamour, Vogue... geez, there's a lot of 'em... Marie Claire, Us, Martha Stewart Living...
"Then what?" he wants to know.
"Read them," I respond. "Read every single one. Pay close attention to how the stories are 'sold' with cover blurbs (written by some of the best writers in the biz, by the way)... and what the stories focus on. More importantly, pay very close attention to the ads. What hot buttons they aim for, how they craft their sales pitch, price points... and, especially, which ads are running over and over again."
Now, is there any question in your mind why I had Doc do this homework?
And unless you have an extra "X" chromosome yourself, you need to do the same assignment. Right away... because...
Men Simply Do NOT Understand Women!
Even big successful studs like you. Almost no real clue at all. Doc, for example, had been married to a perfectly wonderful woman for 15 years (and had a pretty impressive bachelorhood before that). Seemed to be able to communicate with women well enough. Just assumed he "understood" them. But I tell, the boy was clueless.
And you desperately need to get a clue, dude. Why? Well, for starters, women control 90% of the wealth in this country. The hubby may have written the check, but she chose the house. The furniture. The car. The summer vacation to Disney World. Even his ties and underwear.
But there's more to it than that. Learning how to understand women is the first step toward learning how to sell to them effectively. It will be, for most men, one of the hardest things you ever do. Also, one of the most rewarding. Your personal life will get better overnight (whether you're married, single, or considering the priesthood). And financially, your bank account will swell to obscene proportions. And let me fill you in on a little secret... if you learn to sell to women...
You Will NEVER Want For
ANYTHING... The Rest Of Your Days!
Women-primary markets dominate direct sales (QVC, diets, "make your kid a genius" products), retail (check out your local mall), food (besides big damn hamburgers and beer, what other food group is being sold to men?), even cars and politics (SUV-driving soccer moms can swing any election).
And yet most marketers are guys. Not the kind of guys who were considered hotties in high school, either. Most of the entrepreneurs I know can weave a pretty sad tale of woe about their social lives (at least up to the point they started making some bucks). Not too many student body prez/quarterback/homecoming king/honor roll/most-likely-to-succeeds among us.
Hey, if you have trouble getting a date because you can't figure out what women want, you're gonna run into some very nasty obstacles trying to sell a woman anything at all.
Thus, the homework assignment.
And what did we learn, Doc?
"Feelings! Oceans of feelings! Good God, they're like alien creatures from another planet!"
Now, I'm not gonna present myself as some kind of know-it-all regarding the ladies. I learned what I know through grueling years of trial, error (mostly error)... and unfair inside help. Through a friend who shall remain nameless (himself an admitted ovary-challenged human), I met a shrink who shared a couple of critical classified secrets that were nothing short of a complete revelation in the gender wars. After that, I had a toe-hold in the female psyche, and could start navigating that wild world with a modicum of confidence.
I love women, I really do. I have always sought out close women friends, and I never reject their point of view casually. No matter how insane and irrational it is. Still, it took me years to learn how to consistently craft compelling sales pitches to them.
Most clueless guys attempt to sell to women as though they were "men with breasts". In other words, men assume the thought process going on in her head is similar to the one going on in his. Or should be. And it isn't. Not even close. If you could take a woman's thought process and transplant it into a typical man's brain, his head would explode.
The big difference... is emotions. "Feelings," as Doc worded it. If it helps to think about this stuff in simplistic terms:
Women feel. Men think.
That's why I don't even need to know the gender of the rookie writers I critique ads for. Men tend to overdo the features of any product... they want to bull you over with the force of size, performance statistics, heft and expense. In other words, the "quantity" of the thing.
Women, though, get lost in the benefits. They go off on tangents about how it feels to experience the thing...how the softness soothes, how the delicacy satisfies deep needs. The "quality" of it. Now, all copywriters learn early on that you must attach benefits to features for effective selling. But rookie lady writers often forget to mention any feature at all. You can't figure out what the heck the product actually is.
The shrink explained much about how women think... and perhaps I'll share more of the juicier details with you in a future issue. It's pretty damn interesting, I gotta say. (Maybe I'll call it a "short-cut sex ed class for clueless guys".) But what he told me about emotions is more relevant here. It has stuck with me all these years, and I use the knowledge often when I know there are women in the audience I'm pitching.
You see, there have been many studies concerning how men and women translate emotions in their brains. I don't have the exact figures handy... but researchers found that men can identify only a handful of emotional states (and they often incorrectly classify "being hungry" or "being sleepy" as emotion) (or "being really, really horny, man"). Let's say most men have nine operational emotions.
Women, however, have something like 200 operational emotions. Feeling "cherished" carries very much different emotional weight than does feeling "loved", or "adored", or even "worshiped". And they can explain these states in detail. Just mapping out the landscape of "envy" and "jealousy" could take a lifetime.
Women also multi-task feelings with ease... low self-esteem often coexists quite happily with the sense they are reincarnated princesses worthy of ruling the world. And they are capable of hating your guts, wanting to have your baby, mentally listing 14 super-detailed ways you should change immediately, and wishing you'd just step up and take control of the damn situation without being a jerk about it... all in the same nano-second that you're saying, "Huh?" (They're also wondering what's good to eat in the 'fridge, and how the couch would look better over there.)
Trust me on this. Right now, if you're an average Joe, you have no clue what women want.
So get hip. Read a couple of romance novels. (That will open your eyes. Especially when you consider that many upper-class, upper income women devour these things to the tune of three or four a week. They are shoveling romance into the bottomless pit in their hearts.) Pay close attention to ads that run month after month, year after year, in the women's magazines. Open your mind to possibilities the omnipresent horoscopes offer. (Just remember that until the FTC cracked down recently, psychic hotlines dominated late-night advertising... to the tune of billions of dollars in income. Primarily from women.)
And copy out, in longhand, the blurbs on the magazine covers. It's one of the best ongoing educations on power writing you'll ever get. Plus... you know these words and phrases have already been "field tested" on the ladies. You'll see certain verbs and word-clusters appear again and again. The word "sex" is there a lot, for example. But don't be shallow... do pay attention to how the writers quickly tie it to an unrelated subject. (And don't pout when you discover that the actual articles have little or nothing to do with sex as men understand it.)
Make this part of your continuing education and research into world-class marketing.
And please...don't be afraid, guys. The opposite sex is still the same sweet, loveable, nurturing and exciting half of the species they always were. You're just going to lift the veil on the "mysterious" part a little, and educate yourself on the details as they pertain to marketing.
The girls won't hurt you. Unless...
You Piss Them Off!
Do you think I honestly angered any of the many women who subscribe to this rag with the above rant?
I don't. You know why? Because most of the women I know in this business have something a surprising number of the guys do not: A sense of humor. And a good sense of "if it's right, it's right, so don't have a fit about it."
That, of course, is not the case outside of the business world. And it's something I truly love about direct response advertising: All cries of unfair "good old boy" advantages, glass ceilings, and gender victim-hood are completely irrelevant. No one can see you when you write a letter or ad. They don't know what color, sex, nationality or age you are, unless you choose to tell them.
Nope. You must earn the sale by providing credibility on the strength of your testimonials, your expertise, and your ability to craft a convincing sales pitch. It's the most "blind" kind of salesmanship there is. You could be a trans-sexual, trans-species Siamese twin whose visage frightens little kids on the street. Doesn't matter. In direct response, it's what you can deliver in terms of useable information and useful product that counts. Pure equality in action.
I've considered teaching a special seminar in certain cities directed only at women... revealing the amazing opportunities for independence and fabulous incomes and complete control over your future inherent in forming your own direct response business. You want better child care, flexible hours, a workplace free of harassment? Then make one. No one's stopping you. There are no glass ceilings in the entrepreneur biz.
Women business owners have little patience with anyone who complains about "the boys playing too rough". They just play rougher, if they have to... or create the atmosphere they want in their own workplace.
No one is stopping you. That's kinda scary to most people... it's much easier to blame your lack of success on outside factors. America is becoming a nation of victims, and it's just damned silly. If your "movie" isn't progressing as excitingly or romantically as you'd like... change the script. It's up to you. Unless you're literally chained up in some dungeon, nothing is holding you back but your own inner nonsense.
You know, you don't hear much complaining from street-wise hustlers, either. They don't expect life to cut them any slack, and they have learned long ago that they must take what they want... cuz...
Nobody's Gonna Give It To Them!
I didn't grow up on city streets. My childhood was spent running unfettered around the fascinations that existed for children in a "typical small American city". And maybe it wasn't as dangerous as the ghetto neighborhoods of Compton or Brooklyn, but there were plenty of opportunities to get your head kicked in. There was class warfare among the street racers... you were either a committed "Ricky Racer"... or... a serious lowrider or you had no business being in their company. There were some nasty race conflicts, too... my closest friend was a Latino, but that didn't mean I could walk through the local barrio safely.
For every good vibe available cruising around on a Friday night chasing girls, there was a nasty surprise just as easy to run into. If you were scared, you had to stay home. The only rule was: You were responsible for your own safety. It was understood that you would make mistakes... but you were expected to learn from them quickly.
It's the same with the business world, though few people realize it. There are no guarantees when you get involved... and there are plenty of unsavory types out there who will happily eat your lunch and steal your bike.
I was thinking about this when I saw the movie "Snatch" the other night. Great flick, if you haven't caught it. Brad Pitt as a gypsy bare knuckle fighter in a riveting plot full of thieves, killers, cops, diamond merchants with no ethics... and wannabe thugs. It's entertaining as a movie... but if you look at it as a metaphor for business, it just sings.
In a nutshell, here is the lesson:
Rookies Get Eaten Alive...
Lucky Men Run Out Of Luck... And
Only The Ego-Less, Cool-Thinking Pro Survives!
Lots of self-centered pros get their clocks cleaned through hubris. They get cocky, or self-righteous, or just forget that there's no rule against them losing. Rookies are shocked when they lose, but they aren't necessarily surprised. The look on a pro's face when the unthinkable happens can quickly cure you of any silly feelings about your own invincibility.
In whatever market you're in, you really should understand all aspects of it with as much detail as an ego-less, cool-thinking pro about to enter a dark alley in a crime-soaked part of town... who wants to make damn sure he comes out alive. You don't go in unprepared. You don't figure on God watching your back. (He's too busy these days.) And you don't go in with fairy tale ideas of how the world works.
You won't "magically" succeed in business just because you try. It's not like Hollywood movies at all. Not one little bit. Screw waiting around for something magical to happen. The savvy businessman just takes control right off the bat. And learns all about his market... so that he knows every detail, and knows it better than anyone else.
I can't tell you how often people send me ads to critique... where it's obvious the writer has no clue whatsoever what motivates the prospect he's after. It's insane. It's exactly like taking a bus to the worst part of town, and walking into an alley without the slightest notion of what to do when confronted by a hard-ass. Or two. Or three.
Okay, so maybe your market isn't full of thieves and street fighters. The point still holds. If your market is strictly little old ladies in need of knitting supplies, you still have to understand them at their deepest level. Because even a little old lady will blow off your ads with the scorn of a Mafia boss, if you don't immediately hit her sweet spot with your pitch.
Experienced marketers nod in agreement when I talk about hitting the "passionate sweet spot" of your prospect. They know that cold, lifeless, boring ad copy seldom gets read, and almost never gets acted on.
So I tell would-be writers, over and over, to put more passion into their copy. But there's a catch: Once you've effectively tapped into your own passion for your product...
You Must Then Put A Lid On It!
Confusing? Naw. Let me explain: What you want to be is like the super-focused, super-calm salesman... who has a glint in his eye... and seems barely able to contain his glee and wonder at the benefits of his product. But he does contain it. You sense the passion... but he's not bowling you over with it.
Too many writers think that tapping into your own passionate sweet spot is akin to getting all riled up and insane. In print, the effect is like a three-year-old kid pestering you for attention. It's damned annoying in kids, and a huge turn-off in adults. Don't grab my lapels and scream in my face, no matter how blissed-out you are about your product. Passion makes your copy powerful not because people respond to wild-eyed true believers... but because passion attached to a reasoned and focused sales message zeroes in on the human element in the process.
Imagine a guy asking his beloved to marry him. Jumping up and down and hollering may show that your passion runs deep... but she'll think you flipped your lid, and will certainly think twice about hooking up with a nutcase who can't control himself. On the other hand, popping the question in a cold and casual way won't exactly melt her heart, either.
No. You must find that delicate middle ground... where your passion shows as a gleeful glint, something powerful that is yet under your control. True salesmen know that effective passion is something the prospect senses, and senses clearly. It is a tool to help the pitch. Unfocused passion is not a replacement for the pitch.
Examples:
"I have just discovered something so exciting that I feel I'll burst if I don't share it with you..."
"Right now, it's past midnight here at the office and I should be home and in bed. But I can't sleep. There's something urgent I have to share with you, and it just can't wait..."
Something incredible has just happened here... and the first person I thought of to tell this amazing story to was you"
Get it? It's not: "HEY! Look at this!!!" It's: "If you have just two minutes, I have an amazing story to share that will shock and delight you..."
Great salesmen know that, to make the sale, you must be in total control. If there are choices to make, you must guide the prospect to make them during the pitch. If there are problems or objections, they must be addressed and solved during the pitch. The role of passion is to keep the prospect riveted to the story, so these things can be reasonably taken care of... and the sale closed. Effective passion... just like laughing... is contagious. You can (and should)...
Infect Your Prospect With It,
Straight From Your Heart,
But Through Your Brain!
Think of it as "passionate reason". You're not a professor in a lab coat explaining a cold equation... instead, you're a regular fella (just like your reader) letting him in on something truly fabulous and worthwhile.
Do it with an urgent gleam in your eye, and barely-contained excitement he can clearly sense.
Onward. A good friend of mine, Stan Dahl, works in something called "information systems". He talks about the "architecture" of data, and has worked with such massive collectors of information and data as NATO and ARCO's AM/PM Mini-marts. These organizations bring him in when the mountains of data threaten to crush the system. (You don't wanna know how unorganized NATO's Belgium headquarters are. Scary.)
Anyway, I've known Stan for 15 years or so, and it's taken about that long for him to explain what he does to me in a way I can understand. It's not that the architecture of data is all that hard to explain, or that I'm that dense... okay, maybe I am that dense, but that's not the story here. It's sort of like a major league pitcher trying to explain the mechanics of a true screwball to someone who's never played baseball... or a musician trying to explain music theory to someone who's never touched an instrument.
However, once I "got" it, I realized I'd been practicing my own form of "data architecture" ever since I created my first ad. And just to show you how all things in this universe eventually intersect, my own style of managing massive amounts of information are almost identical to what Stan tries to teach the brainiacs in charge of missile silos.
Namely, he has a tactic he calls "Find 3 Rules That Work". Briefly, he teaches the info wranglers to stop trying to embrace the totality of any one project... which usually creates more confusion and logjams of data... and to simply find three basic categories or rules or activities that accomplish something, and to build from there. It's like creating a foundation that you know is viable, before going on to the layers that must stand on that foundation.
Well, guess what? When I'm confronted with a fresh copywriting project (especially with a new client), the first thing that often lands on my desk is a Federal Express box (never a slim envelope, mind you) crammed with paperwork and videos and notes and transcripts and manuscripts. This is everything the client can find explaining the product, showcasing other marketing efforts made, other ads run, studies done, and committees convened. In short...
It's A Big Honking Pile Of
Data That Must Be Wrangled!
And my job is to take that honking pile, digest it... and come up with a slim, snappy sales pitch that condenses all that information into plain English. And I have to do it in my head.
Now, those of you who have studied my ads and letters (and shame on those of you who haven't yet), you will notice that often, my headlines are structured with three benefits. Sometimes less, sometimes more... but most often, it's three.
Three is a very important number. It's the least number of legs needed to support a stool. Most huge literary efforts are in trilogies. Most religions have some version of the "father, son and holy ghost". It's a prime number. It's the number of fingers on Mickey's hand. And so on.
At first, I created this "3 Benefits" thing unconsciously. It just seemed right. Had a bit of poetry and rhythm to it. Da da da. And I suppose, were I to corral a smart guy like Stan and grill him extensively, I might discover that I'm using a kind of information system to distill all that data.
But it doesn't really matter. At this stage in my career, I can simply look back and see what worked (and still does work). And using three benefits for your Unique Selling Position ("USP"), or your headline, or your basic sales pitch, simply makes sense.
Because it works.
Look at your own pile of data. If you're working for clients, you're faced with a bunch of new stuff. If you're writing for your own product or service, you're up to your neck in details about it. Hard to see the forest for the trees.
So begin by breaking it all down to three simple benefits that you can easily explain, and back up. Even the most complex product or service can be knocked down to size... and... should be, anyway.
I don't care if you're launching satellites into space, starting a local bakery, or selling yachts to rich folk. What you offer, whether in product or service, can be broken down to three basic benefits. You can have more benefits, of course. But those come up later in your pitch, as you're turning up the heat (under the category of "but wait, there's more"). That's how I load up my bullets.
But when you're crafting your all-important USP... which is the basis of all great headlines, by the way... you need to get down, dirty, and direct. (See, there's three benefits right there.)
Here are a few examples:
Fast, cheap, and good. (One of my favorite ways to start the process is to see how the job meets these criteria. At least half the time, if you can justify to your reader that what you have is of high quality... a bargain... and brings results quickly... you're off to the races.)
Simple, easy, and lucrative. (Combined with fast, cheap, and good, these pretty much take care of the entire consumer landscape.)
Get good, get connected, and get paid. (It means "become an expert, become a functioning part of your market, and demand you are paid what you're worth.")
Consistent, accurate, distance. (Very elegant phrase I've used a lot in my golf pieces. Covers the three primary concerns of most golfers.)
Buy your dream home, sell your old house fast, and get a great mortgage rate even with lousy credit. (An example of how this might work in a real estate ad.)
I could go on... but I won't. You get the picture, and that's all I wanted to convey. Mostly, to be honest, I just wanted to impress you with my savvy in ultra-modern techno-babble. Or, at least, my ability to talk a good line of bull.
But the power of "Find 3 Benefits That Work" stands. Once you distill all the available info you have down to three compelling benefits, the rest of your headline and copy practically writes itself.
So there.
Sincerely,
Gary C. Halbert
Tuesday, 21 June 2016
You Don't Have To Get It Perfect, You Just Got To Get It Going!
Dear Friend & Subscriber,
Let me recap for you what I said in last month's newsletter.
I said: When it comes to writing copy, far too much attention is paid to the actual writing and far too little is paid to ferreting out facts about that which the copywriter is trying to sell!
I told you that the first step to world-class copywriting (salesmanship-in-print) is to create a FACT SHEET about that which you wish to sell.
I told you to make your FACT SHEET as detailed as possible and then go over it very carefully and translate the facts therein to benefits for the buyer and to create a humongous BENEFIT LIST.
I then told you to think about what you are trying to sell, think about all the benefits to the buyer and about how (in what manner) you would like to buy what you are trying to sell. And then, you work to come up with the sweetest, most powerful OFFER you can and to create a DEAL SHEET which contains the strongest PROPOSITION you can offer which has been reduced to writing.
I told you to copy, in your own handwriting, the best ads and/or direct mail packages you can find that are related to what you want to sell.
And finally, I told you that, if you would do all this, the next step was for you to take a break and wait for this month's letter wherein I would teach you how to lash all this together in such a way as to create a compelling sales-pitch-in-print.
Let's go for it! Here's what you do now: You get yourself a few boxes of 3x5 index cards and you go back to your FACT SHEET. You copy each fact on the FACT SHEET onto a separate 3x5 card.
Now you go to your BENEFIT LIST and you copy each benefit listed therein also onto a separate 3x5 card.
Set these cards aside in two neat piles on your desk. Now, pick up your DEAL SHEET upon which is written out the sweetest offer you can come up with to entice your prospective buyers. Let's say, as in last month's illustration, you are trying to sell a car and the offer you have written out on your DEAL SHEET reads like this:
I'll sell you my 2-year-old caddy for only $11,500. I'll let you drive it for a week free before you decide to buy it. Not only that, I'll throw in a free trip to Las Vegas and I'll buy every drop of gas you use for the first 10,000 miles you drive.
Now, armed with all this sales "ammo," let's go ahead and lash everything together and actually create a piece of world-class salesmanship-in-print! In this case, we're going to write a sales letter that we have decide to mail to 1,000 people who live near you who might be interested in buying your 2-year-old Caddy. I think a good place to start would be to get the names of 1,000 people in your area who own an Oldsmobile that is at least two or more years old.
Alright now, the first thing we have to do is we've got to capture these people's attention. And, since we are going to be mailing printed letters (as opposed to personally typed or computer-personalized letters), what we are going to do is write a headline and later emblazon it boldly across the top of the first page of our letter.
Now hear this: There are a lot of good ways to write headlines; there are headlines that ask a provocative question; headlines that reveal a startling fact; headlines that announce something like a special deal or a store opening; headlines that shock; that titillate; etc. So, what you are about to learn here is not the only way to do it but rather, one very good way that will seldom let you down. Namely, we are going to strive to write a headline that offers both news and a big benefit to the readers of our letter!
First, let's take our proposition or offer (it's the one you wrote on your DEAL SHEET) and state that offer in such a way that is both newsworthy and benefit-promising. Now, what is newsworthy about what we have to say? Hmn? It seems to me that it's newsworthy that there is a man somewhere (you) who has a car to sell he thinks so much of he is willing to let someone drive it for an entire week before they decide whether or not to buy. And what are the big benefits, the unusual benefits of this deal? It seems to me free gas for a year and a free trip to Vegas make up some very tasty icing.
Now, who is it that's offering this hot deal? It's you, right? But who are you? OK, let's say your name is John Stebbins. So the first words of our announcement (headline) could reveal who is making this offer, and we could start with...
John Stebbins Says...
But wait. You say you're not well-known and your name won't mean much to the people reading your letters? OK, let's try again. You're a local resident, right? So let's start off with...
Local Man...
Can we improve on that? You bet. If we can be more specific (specificity always enhances response) we can do even better...
Especially if we can be more specific in a way that immediately implants in our reader's mind that you are someone real, someone he could pick up the phone and call or go visit if he needed to!
So, let's say you're a dentist and let's begin our headline like this...
Local Dentist Says...
So far so good. What's next? Well, what is it you are saying? Uh, let's see. Oh yea, you're saying you'll buy a trip to Vegas and a year's worth of gas for anybody who buys your 2-year-old Caddy. So, let's simply say it. Like this:
Local Dentist Says He
Will Buy A Free Trip To
Vegas And A Year's Worth
Of Gas For Anybody Who
Decides To Buy His
2-Year-Old Caddy!
That headline is a simple, uncomplicated statement of fact. It offers news. If offers two strong benefits. And there is a "hidden" lesson here for those of you perceptive enough to catch it. It's this: One of the secrets of writing great copy is just...
Saying What You
Have To Say!
Don't discount the importance of this just because it is such a simple and obvious thing. People pay me ungodly amounts of money to simply help them say what they have to say. And when I do it, they accuse me of being a genius and I'm always amazed. You see, what I really am is simple-minded. Here's a typical conversation between me and someone I'm trying to help:
"Gary, I'm going nuts trying to write this ad. I've been struggling with it for weeks and I just can't seem to make any headway."
"Well, John, what is it you're trying to get across? What is the big thing you have to say?"
"Gosh, Gary, I can give people the best deal on washers and dryers that anybody has ever seen!"
"Oh, yeah? Why is that?"
"It's because of my wife. She's really p.o.'d at me. She says I'm a workaholic and she's sick of it. She says we haven't had a vacation in 14 years and if I want to keep her, I better close the damn store for a month and take her to Europe. She says she doesn't care if I almost have to give away my inventory."
So I start scribbling on a piece of paper and a few seconds later I show him this:
She's fed up...
Angry Wife Forces Local
Businessman To Almost Give
Away Everything He's Got
In His Store!
"Hey, that's it!" he says. "You've got it! That's just what it is I wanted to say. You truly are a genius!"
Maybe I am. I know I'd certainly be the last to deny it. However, all I did here is say what he had to say.
Which brings me to a crucial point I intend to pound into your head until you are sick of hearing it. It's in response to something I hear all the time and it usually goes something like this: "But Gary, I don't have anything special to say. My offer is really pretty ordinary. Pretty standard."
Oh yeah? Well, if that's the case, you need to forget about writing copy until you "sweeten" your offer enough so you do have something to say. Contrary to popular opinion...
What You Have To Say
Is Enormously More Important
Than How You Say It!
Listen, if I just found out you had won the Irish Sweepstakes, there is now way I could tell you that would be dull and boring. On the other hand, I probably couldn't entice you to read a book on the history of farm machinery (there really is such a book) no matter what my headline said.
Back to the salt mines. If you were paying attention, you will have noticed that our headline to sell your 2-year-old Caddy didn't mention that you would let someone test drive it for a week free. Let's put that fact in a lead-in subheadline. And now, what we've got is this:
And he'll let you drive it
a week for free!
Local Dentist Says He
Will Buy A Free Trip To
Las Vegas And A Year's Worth
Of Gas For Anybody Who
Decides To Buy His
2-Year-Old Caddy!
And that's what we're going to print in big bold type on the top third of the first page of our letter. And next? OK, next, let's tell our reader who this letter is from. He already knows there is a local dentist involved but let's make you even more real in his mind by telling him exactly where you are located. It's simple -- we just write:
From:
John Stebbins
123 Oak Street
Massillon, Ohio 44646
And next? Ah, now it's time for our salutation. It's surprising to me how many people struggle with this part of a letter unless, of course, it is personalized. Should it be "Dear Reader"? "Dear Occupant"? "Dear Resident"? "Dear Lover of Fine Cars"? "Dear Fellow Massillonian"?
No, no, no, no... NO! The way I always start a non-personalized letter is...
Dear Friend,
I don't know, it just seems to me a... a... a friendly way to begin.
And now, after all this, we are finally ready to write the first sentence of our letter. And what should that first sentence communicate? Veddy simple. It should...
Tell Our Reader
What's In It For
Him If He Takes The
Time To Read Our Letter!
Like this: "If you would like to own a 1987 Cadillac and get it real cheap, here is some good news."
That's the first paragraph and, in the next paragraph or two, you tell the reader (by elaborating on the headline) what the good news is. Like this:
"My name is John Stebbins and I am a dentist here in Massillon. I've got a 2-year-old Caddy and it is in almost perfect shape and I have to get rid of it for reasons I'll tell you later. But anyway, I just want to sell this car fast and I'm willing to let you test drive it for a week free if you are really interested.s
"Not only that, if you do decide to buy it, I'll give you a very low price and I'll buy you a trip to Vegas and I'll pay for all the gas you use for the first year you have the car."
Now, can you imagine what our reader is thinking at this point? It's easy, he wants to know... WHY?!! Why are you offering such a good deal? And, if you want to sell him, you've got to tell him.
Which is what comes next and you should address the issue like this:
"Why am I offering such a good deal? The reasons are simple. First, I hate car dealers. I tried to sell my Caddy back to the dealer I bought it from and he said stuff to me that was an insult to my intelligence. That's why I'd rather sell it cheaper to a regular person than hassle and bargain with some guy who cheats people for a living.
"And the reason I'm willing to buy all your gas for a year is because, unless you had a Caddy before, you probably don't know but... Caddys, at least the ones in excellent condition like mine, get very good gas mileage."
Now, listen to me: At this point you've captured your guy's attention and you've give him enough to decide whether he's interested or not. If he is interested, what he wants now are some facts. And a simple way to give him these facts is to simply enumerate them like David Ogilvy did in the classic Rolls Royce ad I reprinted for you last month. How's an easy way to introduce these facts? Like this:
"And here are 10 important facts about my car:"
And then, you pick up those two piles of 3x5 index cards on your desk (the ones that enumerate the facts and benefits pertaining to your car) and you arrange those cards in rank sequence with the card that contains the hottest fact and/or benefit at the top of the pile. Then, what you do is you start at the top of the pile and you transfer those facts/ benefits on the 3x5 cards to your letter. You simply enumerate them. The first three might look like this:
1. This car has the strongest, most rigid construction of any car built in America and it is the safest car you can use to transport your loved ones.
2. It has automatic everything and it is the easiest car on the road to drive.
3. This car only has 7,413 miles on it and it should give you many more years of luxurious trouble-free driving.
And so on.
And now we come to one of the most important elements of all. Remember how I told you the single most important thing to concentrate on was your offer? OK, the second most important thing is to make your offer believable. We've already put a lot of believability into this letter by revealing your exact name, occupation, and address and giving our reader specific info. But we must do more. You see, if you've got this prospect wanting the car, wanting the deal, what he wants most right now is...
More And More Reasons
Or At Least One More Powerful Reason
Why He Can Believe
You!
Again, why are you offering such a good deal to him? It's not enough that you hate car dealers... if the car is so good, why the heck are you even willing to sell it? Here are some possible reasons:
1. You need the money and you need it now.
2. Your wife hates the color.
3. You've decided to go to Africa and become a missionary.
4. You want to take flying lessons and buy a sea plane but you can't afford both the plane and the Caddy.
5. Your eyesight is going bad and soon you won't be able to drive anymore.
But whatever the reason is, it must be reasonable. It must be believable. It must be real... and true. It should take the question mark out of the mind of your prospect. It should give him an "aha" experience sort of like this:
"Oh gee, no wonder the guy wants to sell the car so fast. I would too if I had a chance to go live in Paris for 3-years!"
There's just one thing left: We've got to ask for action which in this case means simply telling him if he's interested to call you on the telephone.
Oh yeah, and you'd better give him a reasonable reason why he should call right now, like maybe simply the truth that you've mailed nearly 1,000 of these letters and you don't expect the car to remain unsold for much more than 48-hours.
And then you sign off by writing...
Sincerely,
John Stebbins
P.S. Don't forget to always add a P.S. because some people read that part of the letter first. And what the P.S. should say is some little thing additional about one of the items of hot enticing info you've already given him like...
"P.S. That free trip to Vegas has got to be confirmed in the next 11-days or else the coupons I won at the Dentist's Charity Ball last month will revert to the second-place winner."
Let's sum it all up:
1. You create a FACT SHEET.
2. You create a BENEFIT LIST.
3. You reduce your OFFER to writing on a DEAL SHEET.
4. You write a headline that contains news and the promise of one or more benefits.
5. If you have more than two hot benefits, you can put another in the lead-in sub-headline.
6. You reveal exactly who the letter is from.
7. You begin the salutation, "Dear Friend,".
8. You write a first sentence that tells what's in it for your prospect if he reads this letter.
9. You use the next few paragraphs to elaborate specifically on your promises.
10. You next tell him why you are offering such a good deal.
11. You enumerate facts that translate to benefits and you simply list 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, etc., etc., as many as you've got.
12. You next write a true and believable "reason why" explanation of why you are willing to part with this wonderful car.
13. You ask him to respond and urge him to hurry.
14. You sign off with "Sincerely,".
15. You write a P.S. that gives him a little new wrinkle on one of the hot reasons you've already given him as to why he should buy this car now.
And you typeset, type, print, fold, address, stamp and mail your thousand letters.
And live happily ever after.
I hope.
Now hear this: I was going to, after I got this far, write that Caddy letter myself so you could see it all strung together. But I've changed my mind. Some of you are more serious than others about learning to write copy and, if you are, I want you to write a sales letter about your car and send it to me. Make sure I get the letter by the end of this month and on the first of the month, I'll read all the letters and I'll reprint the best one and send a really valuable (honest) free gift to whomever I think has written the best letter.
But don't write about anything except your car because that will make my judging job easier and likelier to be more fair.
Do this! You can't lose! My little contest is really secondary. The main thing is you will have gotten off your lethargic keister and stretched your mind a bit and the doing of this will prove to you that...
You Don't Have To Get
It Perfect, You've Just
Got To Get It Going!
Sincerely,
Gary C. Halbert
The Wizard of Words
P.S.
Look, this isn't the last thing I have to say about writing copy. Not by a long shot. It is not everything you need to know about this important subject. But... it is enough. Enough to get you going. Enough to give you a workable formula to get started while we are waiting for absolute perfection.
P.P.S. Don't even think about missing next month's issue! Why? Simply because I'm going to give you a piece of hot info that is so totally important it could enhance your chances of success by 1,000%
Let me recap for you what I said in last month's newsletter.
I said: When it comes to writing copy, far too much attention is paid to the actual writing and far too little is paid to ferreting out facts about that which the copywriter is trying to sell!
I told you that the first step to world-class copywriting (salesmanship-in-print) is to create a FACT SHEET about that which you wish to sell.
I told you to make your FACT SHEET as detailed as possible and then go over it very carefully and translate the facts therein to benefits for the buyer and to create a humongous BENEFIT LIST.
I then told you to think about what you are trying to sell, think about all the benefits to the buyer and about how (in what manner) you would like to buy what you are trying to sell. And then, you work to come up with the sweetest, most powerful OFFER you can and to create a DEAL SHEET which contains the strongest PROPOSITION you can offer which has been reduced to writing.
I told you to copy, in your own handwriting, the best ads and/or direct mail packages you can find that are related to what you want to sell.
And finally, I told you that, if you would do all this, the next step was for you to take a break and wait for this month's letter wherein I would teach you how to lash all this together in such a way as to create a compelling sales-pitch-in-print.
Let's go for it! Here's what you do now: You get yourself a few boxes of 3x5 index cards and you go back to your FACT SHEET. You copy each fact on the FACT SHEET onto a separate 3x5 card.
Now you go to your BENEFIT LIST and you copy each benefit listed therein also onto a separate 3x5 card.
Set these cards aside in two neat piles on your desk. Now, pick up your DEAL SHEET upon which is written out the sweetest offer you can come up with to entice your prospective buyers. Let's say, as in last month's illustration, you are trying to sell a car and the offer you have written out on your DEAL SHEET reads like this:
I'll sell you my 2-year-old caddy for only $11,500. I'll let you drive it for a week free before you decide to buy it. Not only that, I'll throw in a free trip to Las Vegas and I'll buy every drop of gas you use for the first 10,000 miles you drive.
Now, armed with all this sales "ammo," let's go ahead and lash everything together and actually create a piece of world-class salesmanship-in-print! In this case, we're going to write a sales letter that we have decide to mail to 1,000 people who live near you who might be interested in buying your 2-year-old Caddy. I think a good place to start would be to get the names of 1,000 people in your area who own an Oldsmobile that is at least two or more years old.
Alright now, the first thing we have to do is we've got to capture these people's attention. And, since we are going to be mailing printed letters (as opposed to personally typed or computer-personalized letters), what we are going to do is write a headline and later emblazon it boldly across the top of the first page of our letter.
Now hear this: There are a lot of good ways to write headlines; there are headlines that ask a provocative question; headlines that reveal a startling fact; headlines that announce something like a special deal or a store opening; headlines that shock; that titillate; etc. So, what you are about to learn here is not the only way to do it but rather, one very good way that will seldom let you down. Namely, we are going to strive to write a headline that offers both news and a big benefit to the readers of our letter!
First, let's take our proposition or offer (it's the one you wrote on your DEAL SHEET) and state that offer in such a way that is both newsworthy and benefit-promising. Now, what is newsworthy about what we have to say? Hmn? It seems to me that it's newsworthy that there is a man somewhere (you) who has a car to sell he thinks so much of he is willing to let someone drive it for an entire week before they decide whether or not to buy. And what are the big benefits, the unusual benefits of this deal? It seems to me free gas for a year and a free trip to Vegas make up some very tasty icing.
Now, who is it that's offering this hot deal? It's you, right? But who are you? OK, let's say your name is John Stebbins. So the first words of our announcement (headline) could reveal who is making this offer, and we could start with...
John Stebbins Says...
But wait. You say you're not well-known and your name won't mean much to the people reading your letters? OK, let's try again. You're a local resident, right? So let's start off with...
Local Man...
Can we improve on that? You bet. If we can be more specific (specificity always enhances response) we can do even better...
Especially if we can be more specific in a way that immediately implants in our reader's mind that you are someone real, someone he could pick up the phone and call or go visit if he needed to!
So, let's say you're a dentist and let's begin our headline like this...
Local Dentist Says...
So far so good. What's next? Well, what is it you are saying? Uh, let's see. Oh yea, you're saying you'll buy a trip to Vegas and a year's worth of gas for anybody who buys your 2-year-old Caddy. So, let's simply say it. Like this:
Local Dentist Says He
Will Buy A Free Trip To
Vegas And A Year's Worth
Of Gas For Anybody Who
Decides To Buy His
2-Year-Old Caddy!
That headline is a simple, uncomplicated statement of fact. It offers news. If offers two strong benefits. And there is a "hidden" lesson here for those of you perceptive enough to catch it. It's this: One of the secrets of writing great copy is just...
Saying What You
Have To Say!
Don't discount the importance of this just because it is such a simple and obvious thing. People pay me ungodly amounts of money to simply help them say what they have to say. And when I do it, they accuse me of being a genius and I'm always amazed. You see, what I really am is simple-minded. Here's a typical conversation between me and someone I'm trying to help:
"Gary, I'm going nuts trying to write this ad. I've been struggling with it for weeks and I just can't seem to make any headway."
"Well, John, what is it you're trying to get across? What is the big thing you have to say?"
"Gosh, Gary, I can give people the best deal on washers and dryers that anybody has ever seen!"
"Oh, yeah? Why is that?"
"It's because of my wife. She's really p.o.'d at me. She says I'm a workaholic and she's sick of it. She says we haven't had a vacation in 14 years and if I want to keep her, I better close the damn store for a month and take her to Europe. She says she doesn't care if I almost have to give away my inventory."
So I start scribbling on a piece of paper and a few seconds later I show him this:
She's fed up...
Angry Wife Forces Local
Businessman To Almost Give
Away Everything He's Got
In His Store!
"Hey, that's it!" he says. "You've got it! That's just what it is I wanted to say. You truly are a genius!"
Maybe I am. I know I'd certainly be the last to deny it. However, all I did here is say what he had to say.
Which brings me to a crucial point I intend to pound into your head until you are sick of hearing it. It's in response to something I hear all the time and it usually goes something like this: "But Gary, I don't have anything special to say. My offer is really pretty ordinary. Pretty standard."
Oh yeah? Well, if that's the case, you need to forget about writing copy until you "sweeten" your offer enough so you do have something to say. Contrary to popular opinion...
What You Have To Say
Is Enormously More Important
Than How You Say It!
Listen, if I just found out you had won the Irish Sweepstakes, there is now way I could tell you that would be dull and boring. On the other hand, I probably couldn't entice you to read a book on the history of farm machinery (there really is such a book) no matter what my headline said.
Back to the salt mines. If you were paying attention, you will have noticed that our headline to sell your 2-year-old Caddy didn't mention that you would let someone test drive it for a week free. Let's put that fact in a lead-in subheadline. And now, what we've got is this:
And he'll let you drive it
a week for free!
Local Dentist Says He
Will Buy A Free Trip To
Las Vegas And A Year's Worth
Of Gas For Anybody Who
Decides To Buy His
2-Year-Old Caddy!
And that's what we're going to print in big bold type on the top third of the first page of our letter. And next? OK, next, let's tell our reader who this letter is from. He already knows there is a local dentist involved but let's make you even more real in his mind by telling him exactly where you are located. It's simple -- we just write:
From:
John Stebbins
123 Oak Street
Massillon, Ohio 44646
And next? Ah, now it's time for our salutation. It's surprising to me how many people struggle with this part of a letter unless, of course, it is personalized. Should it be "Dear Reader"? "Dear Occupant"? "Dear Resident"? "Dear Lover of Fine Cars"? "Dear Fellow Massillonian"?
No, no, no, no... NO! The way I always start a non-personalized letter is...
Dear Friend,
I don't know, it just seems to me a... a... a friendly way to begin.
And now, after all this, we are finally ready to write the first sentence of our letter. And what should that first sentence communicate? Veddy simple. It should...
Tell Our Reader
What's In It For
Him If He Takes The
Time To Read Our Letter!
Like this: "If you would like to own a 1987 Cadillac and get it real cheap, here is some good news."
That's the first paragraph and, in the next paragraph or two, you tell the reader (by elaborating on the headline) what the good news is. Like this:
"My name is John Stebbins and I am a dentist here in Massillon. I've got a 2-year-old Caddy and it is in almost perfect shape and I have to get rid of it for reasons I'll tell you later. But anyway, I just want to sell this car fast and I'm willing to let you test drive it for a week free if you are really interested.s
"Not only that, if you do decide to buy it, I'll give you a very low price and I'll buy you a trip to Vegas and I'll pay for all the gas you use for the first year you have the car."
Now, can you imagine what our reader is thinking at this point? It's easy, he wants to know... WHY?!! Why are you offering such a good deal? And, if you want to sell him, you've got to tell him.
Which is what comes next and you should address the issue like this:
"Why am I offering such a good deal? The reasons are simple. First, I hate car dealers. I tried to sell my Caddy back to the dealer I bought it from and he said stuff to me that was an insult to my intelligence. That's why I'd rather sell it cheaper to a regular person than hassle and bargain with some guy who cheats people for a living.
"And the reason I'm willing to buy all your gas for a year is because, unless you had a Caddy before, you probably don't know but... Caddys, at least the ones in excellent condition like mine, get very good gas mileage."
Now, listen to me: At this point you've captured your guy's attention and you've give him enough to decide whether he's interested or not. If he is interested, what he wants now are some facts. And a simple way to give him these facts is to simply enumerate them like David Ogilvy did in the classic Rolls Royce ad I reprinted for you last month. How's an easy way to introduce these facts? Like this:
"And here are 10 important facts about my car:"
And then, you pick up those two piles of 3x5 index cards on your desk (the ones that enumerate the facts and benefits pertaining to your car) and you arrange those cards in rank sequence with the card that contains the hottest fact and/or benefit at the top of the pile. Then, what you do is you start at the top of the pile and you transfer those facts/ benefits on the 3x5 cards to your letter. You simply enumerate them. The first three might look like this:
1. This car has the strongest, most rigid construction of any car built in America and it is the safest car you can use to transport your loved ones.
2. It has automatic everything and it is the easiest car on the road to drive.
3. This car only has 7,413 miles on it and it should give you many more years of luxurious trouble-free driving.
And so on.
And now we come to one of the most important elements of all. Remember how I told you the single most important thing to concentrate on was your offer? OK, the second most important thing is to make your offer believable. We've already put a lot of believability into this letter by revealing your exact name, occupation, and address and giving our reader specific info. But we must do more. You see, if you've got this prospect wanting the car, wanting the deal, what he wants most right now is...
More And More Reasons
Or At Least One More Powerful Reason
Why He Can Believe
You!
Again, why are you offering such a good deal to him? It's not enough that you hate car dealers... if the car is so good, why the heck are you even willing to sell it? Here are some possible reasons:
1. You need the money and you need it now.
2. Your wife hates the color.
3. You've decided to go to Africa and become a missionary.
4. You want to take flying lessons and buy a sea plane but you can't afford both the plane and the Caddy.
5. Your eyesight is going bad and soon you won't be able to drive anymore.
But whatever the reason is, it must be reasonable. It must be believable. It must be real... and true. It should take the question mark out of the mind of your prospect. It should give him an "aha" experience sort of like this:
"Oh gee, no wonder the guy wants to sell the car so fast. I would too if I had a chance to go live in Paris for 3-years!"
There's just one thing left: We've got to ask for action which in this case means simply telling him if he's interested to call you on the telephone.
Oh yeah, and you'd better give him a reasonable reason why he should call right now, like maybe simply the truth that you've mailed nearly 1,000 of these letters and you don't expect the car to remain unsold for much more than 48-hours.
And then you sign off by writing...
Sincerely,
John Stebbins
P.S. Don't forget to always add a P.S. because some people read that part of the letter first. And what the P.S. should say is some little thing additional about one of the items of hot enticing info you've already given him like...
"P.S. That free trip to Vegas has got to be confirmed in the next 11-days or else the coupons I won at the Dentist's Charity Ball last month will revert to the second-place winner."
Let's sum it all up:
1. You create a FACT SHEET.
2. You create a BENEFIT LIST.
3. You reduce your OFFER to writing on a DEAL SHEET.
4. You write a headline that contains news and the promise of one or more benefits.
5. If you have more than two hot benefits, you can put another in the lead-in sub-headline.
6. You reveal exactly who the letter is from.
7. You begin the salutation, "Dear Friend,".
8. You write a first sentence that tells what's in it for your prospect if he reads this letter.
9. You use the next few paragraphs to elaborate specifically on your promises.
10. You next tell him why you are offering such a good deal.
11. You enumerate facts that translate to benefits and you simply list 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, etc., etc., as many as you've got.
12. You next write a true and believable "reason why" explanation of why you are willing to part with this wonderful car.
13. You ask him to respond and urge him to hurry.
14. You sign off with "Sincerely,".
15. You write a P.S. that gives him a little new wrinkle on one of the hot reasons you've already given him as to why he should buy this car now.
And you typeset, type, print, fold, address, stamp and mail your thousand letters.
And live happily ever after.
I hope.
Now hear this: I was going to, after I got this far, write that Caddy letter myself so you could see it all strung together. But I've changed my mind. Some of you are more serious than others about learning to write copy and, if you are, I want you to write a sales letter about your car and send it to me. Make sure I get the letter by the end of this month and on the first of the month, I'll read all the letters and I'll reprint the best one and send a really valuable (honest) free gift to whomever I think has written the best letter.
But don't write about anything except your car because that will make my judging job easier and likelier to be more fair.
Do this! You can't lose! My little contest is really secondary. The main thing is you will have gotten off your lethargic keister and stretched your mind a bit and the doing of this will prove to you that...
You Don't Have To Get
It Perfect, You've Just
Got To Get It Going!
Sincerely,
Gary C. Halbert
The Wizard of Words
P.S.
Look, this isn't the last thing I have to say about writing copy. Not by a long shot. It is not everything you need to know about this important subject. But... it is enough. Enough to get you going. Enough to give you a workable formula to get started while we are waiting for absolute perfection.
P.P.S. Don't even think about missing next month's issue! Why? Simply because I'm going to give you a piece of hot info that is so totally important it could enhance your chances of success by 1,000%
Monday, 20 June 2016
I Can Be A Real Asshole Sometimes!
Dear Friend & Subscriber,
I can be a real asshole sometimes.
And, since I'm not inclined to change... well... maybe I'd better explain. Listen up: Here's a true story. Once upon a time (in the late 1980's) a couple guys called me for some help. They worked for a big company that helped other companies here in the U.S. to market their wares in all the Pacific Rim countries. Every time they got a new client, it was worth serious money (maybe hundreds of thousands) to the company they worked for.
What they looked for in a new client was someone or some entity which was not already selling to Pacific Rim countries but, who should be selling to those countries. They weren't after little sized companies or even medium-sized companies; they only went after the really big fish. Therefore, they didn't have unlimited prospects, only a few thousand. And, they said, their main problem was getting the attention of and, an audience with, the top dog in those big fish companies.
Once I understood how much (how very much) a new client was worth to them, I came up with a great idea! I said they should get some paper money from each of those Pacific Rim countries. Then they should take a bill from each of those countries and put them all together in a stack and wrap a rubber band around them. Then they should scotch-tape each of those stacks of money to the first page of a sales letter and send the whole mess by Fed Ex or DHL to all their prospective clients... and then... follow-up with a person-to-person phone call.
Imagine: You're a top dog exec in a big fish company, you get a Fed Ex package with a letter with a packet of actual money from various Pacific Rim countries scotch-taped to the first page of a letter like this:
Top Dog Exec
c/o Big Fish, Inc.
123 Elm St.
Massillon, OH 44646
Dear Mr. Top Dog Exec:
I am writing to ask of you a small favor.
All I want is for you to take the rubber band off the packet of money attached to this letter and look carefully at each of the bills. They are all real. Each one of these bills is an official government banknote from a different Pacific Rim country.
Why am I sending you all this money? The answer is simple: You see, your company, Big Fish, Inc., manufactures a line of products that would sell like crazy in every one of the Pacific Rim countries from which I have sent you a sample banknote. This could be a brand new profit center for Big Fish, Inc. which, in fact, could turn out to be... even bigger... then the domestic market for your widgets here in the U.S.
In truth, selling your product line in these countries could become a dream come true for Big Fish, Inc. It has the realistic potential of tripling your corporate profits.
On the other hand, attempting to market in these countries can become a nightmare for an American corporation if they don't have the right connections and are not aware of local business customs and all the other inside secrets that makes everything go smoothly and profitably.
That's where (hopefully) I can help you. My company, Rim Job, Inc., specializes in guiding American corporations into high profit situations in various Pacific Rim countries... and... we feel Big Fish, Inc. is exactly the kind of company, with exactly the kind of product line, we like to work with.
I'd like to explain in more detail how a relationship with Rim Job, Inc. could be very profitable for Big Fish, Inc. and I will call you later this week to set up an appointment at your convenience.
Thank you for the courtesy of reading this letter.
Sincerely,
Eldridge J. Fogbottom
P.S. If you have children, that packet of money can be a great birthday
gift which will get your child interested in global geography.
Talk to you soon.
OK, admit it: If you were Top Dog Exec and you got that Fed Ex package, with that letter and all that money, you'd be impressed, wouldn't you? You'd also probably take Mr. Fogbottom's call too, wouldn't you? And, you'd probably give him an appointment, right? And, if he truly had his shit wrapped tight, there's an excellent chance you would end up doing biz with Fogbottom and Rim Job, Inc.
Correctamundo?
The two guys who called me for advice were stunned when I came up with this great idea right on the spot. I was glad I'd helped them.
Or so I thought.
About a month later they called me again. They said they were looking for another idea. "You mean that one didn't work?" I asked incredulously. "I can't believe it. How many did you mail and what kind of response did you get?"
They hadn't mailed any. But they loved the idea and thought it was "fun" to talk with a creative genius like me and and they wanted to see if I could give them yet another "killer" idea.
I was livid. I got as verbally abusive as I could. I told them to never call me again. You know, to give another person a really good idea, an idea that may solve a major problem for them... and then... have them not even give it a shot... well... that just pisses me off big time. I've found out some things about myself in the last few years and, one of those insights is... I burn with desire to be a really great teacher!
God knows how many people are rich because of what I have taught them. I've received 3,000+ letters of appreciation from such people. But it still gets me, it really gets me, when I can't "get through" to someone.
Like most caring teachers, I am emotional about my "students." I love it when they succeed. I love it when they eclipse me.
But, you know what? I've been writing this letter and giving speeches and seminars for more than a decade... and... there are lots of people who've read nearly every word I've written, been to most all the seminars I've given, bought all my tapes and videos... and...
They Still Do Nothing!
And you know what I think? I think maybe, if something comes too easy, many people don't appreciate it. However, if they have to "work" to get your pearls of wisdom, if they have to make a "mental investment" to "get" what you have to teach... well, maybe... they'll value it more, realize how precious it is and act on what you've taught them.
Which brings me to why I referred to myself as a "sometimes asshole" at the beginning of this letter and, how, right here I'm going to prove it. (Actually, I suspect there's a lot of people who have no trouble whatsoever with the concept of Gary Halbert being an asshole.)
Anyway, here's the scoop: I know something I bet you'd love to know. And, I'm willing to lay it on you. But, I'm going to give you a mental workout and make you jump through some hoops rather than throw it at you like pearls before swine. First, to get you motivated to actually endure my Machivellian manipulations, I guess I'd better jump start your greed glands by telling you what it is I know I bet you'd like to know. Here it is:
I Know How To Make
Money Using E-Mail And
Web Sites!
Lots of people pretend to know but they really don't. They'll do stuff like tell you how important it is to have an "Internet Presence" and, how they can design and help you set up a killer web site for only $10,000 or so. You'll get your web site alright. That part is true. What you won't get however is orders and profits. Almost nobody makes money with E-mail. Almost nobody makes money on the world wide web.
But I do. I've been doing it quietly for about 36 months now... and... I'm going to teach you how to do it too.
Before I do though, let's see if you can figure it out for yourself after I give you a bunch of seemingly unrelated facts. You know, one of the gifts of a real creative problem solver is he or she can take unrelated bits of info and end up tying together all that random data in such a way as to answer an important question or come up with a breakthrough concept. Now listen: No matter how crazy it sounds, every single fact I'm about to reveal is related to making profits via E-mail.
Pray let us proceed.
FACT 1: A recent edition of the National Enquirer, the May 27, 1997 edition with these headlines on the cover, "Jon Benet Secret Police Files," "Who's Gay Who's Not," and "Dying Sinatra Confined To Wheelchair"... well anyway, that issue has two ads you should have in your "swipe file" and, lurking within those ads is a major key to making E-mail pay a profit.
One of those ads is a full-page masterpiece with the headline: "KILL FOOT PAIN DEAD!" This ad does not ask for an order. It is designed to generate leads. Here's the coupon used in the ad:
Free! Send No Money
FEATHERSPRING INTERNATIONAL, INC.
712 N. 34th Street, Dept. NE-057 l Seattle, WA 98103-8881
n YES! I want to end my foot pain. Please rush, at no risk, the FREE FACT KIT that tells me all about Flexible Featherspring Foot Supports. I understand there is no obligation and no salesperson will call. I will look for a LARGE PINK ENVELOPE containing all the details.
Print Name __________________________________________________________________________
Address_____________________________________________________________________________
City _________________________________ State _________________ Zip_____________________
Trust me, the wording of that coupon contains a crucial element related to making E-mail profits.
The next ad is a masterpiece also... but... this one is two full pages. Do you have any idea how much it costs to run two full-page ads in the Enquirer?
Anyway, this is a very copy intensive ad with the following headline:
Can you feel your need to smoke
disappear this quickly and easily?
There are countless men and women who finally stopped smoking, even though they no longer believed they could. Their success is documented in written testimonials. Here are extracts from some of the letters that have been sent to Andre Passebecq:
Yadda, yadda, yadda...
Guess what? This ad doesn't ask for an order either. It's also a lead-generator. Here's the coupon used in that ad:
Detach this form and return to:
Bodywell, Inc.
PO Box 3014
Wallingford, CT 06494
Please indicate: Your age _____
How old you were when you started smoking _____
How many cigarettes you smoke per day _____
Your present weight _____
Yes, I would like to get rid of my desire to smoke, quickly and easily. Your completely free offer of information about the Passebecq Method interests me. I understand that I am in no way obligated to buy anything whatsoever, and that no salesperson will ever contact me.
Please send me the package in discreet wrapping by first class mail.
____________________________
Name
____________________________
Street Address
____________________________
Apt #
____________________________
City
____________________________
State Zip
ATBP06-1
FACT 2: In the early 1980's a guy walks into the Coach & Horses Bar on Sunset Boulevard in Los Angeles. There's a bunch of other guys at the bar and a pretty girl sitting by herself. Several of the barflys are seriously trying to lay a line on this pretty young chick. None of them make any progress. But, the guy who just walked in and, who had never seen this young lady before, walks up to her and speaks to her quietly for a few minutes. The young lady smiles and gets up and leaves immediately with this guy. Can you guess why? (And no, she wasn't a hooker.)
FACT 3: A few years back I encouraged all my readers to run the following ad in their local newspaper:
Women Needed To Address Envelopes At Home.
Must Have Typewriter, PC Or Good Handwriting.
Call (000) 000-000
Several of my subscribers ran that ad and learned something incredibly valuable. (Something that today, relates strangely to making a profit using E-mail.) Three of my subscribers immediately "got it" after they ran it and they went on to make a very fast $750,000 profit because of what they had learned.
FACT 4:
As I revealed in an earlier issue of this newsletter, last year is the first year more messages were sent via E-mail than via the U.S. Postal System.
FACT 5: 75% of all business executives who use the Internet, use it only for E-mail.
FACT 6: There's a company that works with dentists which provides a really interesting service for them. What this company furnishes dentists with is, the name and address of every person who lives in the Zip codes near to where that dentist's practice is located... PLUS... any of those people who have a PC and who use E-mail... well... the dentist gets all those E-mail addresses also.
PAY ATTENTION! Did you hear what I just wrote? I said you can get the E-mail addresses... PLUS... the real street addresses of millions of people. Do you understand the importance of that? Of having a person's real address and their E-mail address?
I bet you don't.
FACT 7: There are several companies in the U.S. that will set up mass conference calls for you. You can have hundreds of people on the same call. Nothing new there, right? But, check this out: You can ask those people questions and, they can give you their answer by punching a button on their touch-tone phone.
Here's what one company does: They get several hundred people on a conference call and then, they expertly explain what they have to offer. Then, near the end of the call, they say something like this: "We have three questions we'd like to ask everybody on this call: (1) Do you like what you've heard and are ready to sign up right now? (2) Are you interested but you feel you need more information? (3) Are you not interested at all? If you are interested and ready to go, please press one; if you want more info, please press two; if you are not interested at all, please press three.
Hundreds of people then press one of those three buttons all at the same time. Then, after a little more chit-chat, the host concludes the conference call.
20 minutes later, the company that arranged the conference call, has the name, address and telephone number of all those people who pressed those buttons and...
Those Names Are Separated
By Which Button
They Pushed!
Yahoo! A dim light has started to glow in your sick, little mind, hasn't it?
Yes, you be right, Bubba. Those hot leads, the people who pressed button #1 ("I'm ready to buy") are phoned back immediately by telephone sales people!
Is that slick, or what?
FACT 8: The king of junk E-mail is a Philadelphia man named Sanford Wallace who runs a company called CyberPromotions. He sends nearly 4 million E-mail ads... daily!
FACT 9: E-mail is the most widely-used application on the Internet with 11 million users.
FACT 10: www.answers.com could easily be the most useful web page ever. It has a network of real people who can answer almost any question you might have with hard facts and a little personality. Answers to easy questions will cost you $1.79. Moderately-difficult questions cost $5.99 and, if your question requires research, you're gonna have to fork out $11.99. You post a question, pick a price range and click the send button. Within 24-hours, one of 40 researchers from around the world will send you a personalized letter by return E-mail.
The answers are typically several paragraphs long and come from a wide variety of reference sources which are listed at the end. If the sources include web sites, the answer includes hot links. Before users get their answers, a group of answers.com quality assurance employees go through responses to make sure they have answered the specific questions satisfactorily. There's also an option to ask for clarification if the questioner wants an even more detailed answer.
FACT 11: For $99 you can get software that types whatever you dictate. This software has a bigger vocabulary and is a better speller than any college kid. For immediate delivery call 1-800-IBM-7235 ext. 5296 or, for more info, visit www.software.ibm.com/is/voicetype.
FACT 12: Another piece of software called Globalink Power Translator translates documents, web pages... and E-mail... from English into French, German, Italian and Spanish. Check it out by calling Globalink at 1-800-837-2095 ext. 8001.
FACT 13: 81% of the readers of the International Tribune now communicate via PC's, 73% E-mail and faxes, laptops and the Internet. They also spend 1/2 hour daily reading the paper. This data is from a survey of which you can (and should) get a summary by calling (212) 752-3890.
FACT 14: The six top markets for international phone calls from the U.S. are, in rank order:
BANK/COUNTRY AVERAGE PER
MINUTES CHARGE MINUTES
PER YEAR
1. Canada 34 cents 3.05 billion
2. Mexico 85 cents 2.01 billion
3. U.K. 73 cents 1.03 billion
4. Germany 88 cents 662 million
5. Japan $1.00 576 million
6. Dominican Republic 84 cents 410 million
FACT 15: There are 50 companies with compiled directories of E-mail addresses. These are not web site directories. They are directories of personal E-mail addresses. You can check out a couple of them at http://www.four11.com and http://www.bigyellow.com. (That last dot is the period at the end of my sentence, not part of the E-mail address.)
FACT 16: People who keep their mailing list on a computer need to be very careful. Believe me, I know. Here's an article that will explain one reason why this is true:
Mailing list
gobbled
In 1984 I began a desperate search for people who have a progressive neuromuscular disorder called Charcot-Marie-Tooth disease. I was born with CMT, and I felt that I was the only person with it. I was a newspaper reporter, and I knew the power of a letter to the editor. Through these letters I found thousands of people who had the same disease. I started a newsletter and a nonprofit organization called CMT International.
On Nov 18, one of our oldest computers went down and took with it our 4,700-name mailing list. Many of the people on it were from the United States, particularly Florida, and we have no way of contacting them.
Please help us find our former members and reach new ones. To contact CMT International, call (905) 687-3630.
LINDA CRABTREE
St. Catharines, Ontario, Canada
FACT 17: If you do a sales campaign which lets people fax in their orders and, you can't handle all the faxes, you need FAX OVERFLOW. Info's available by calling (305) 780-2855.
FACT 18: Gary Halbert has quietly been making thousands of dollars from the Internet and E-mail for the last 36-months.
FACT 19: Gary Halbert is an asshole and has decided to make his subscribers figure it out for themselves for a change.
You've got the facts, now go to it.
Sincerely,
Gary C. Halbert
"Asshole"
I can be a real asshole sometimes.
And, since I'm not inclined to change... well... maybe I'd better explain. Listen up: Here's a true story. Once upon a time (in the late 1980's) a couple guys called me for some help. They worked for a big company that helped other companies here in the U.S. to market their wares in all the Pacific Rim countries. Every time they got a new client, it was worth serious money (maybe hundreds of thousands) to the company they worked for.
What they looked for in a new client was someone or some entity which was not already selling to Pacific Rim countries but, who should be selling to those countries. They weren't after little sized companies or even medium-sized companies; they only went after the really big fish. Therefore, they didn't have unlimited prospects, only a few thousand. And, they said, their main problem was getting the attention of and, an audience with, the top dog in those big fish companies.
Once I understood how much (how very much) a new client was worth to them, I came up with a great idea! I said they should get some paper money from each of those Pacific Rim countries. Then they should take a bill from each of those countries and put them all together in a stack and wrap a rubber band around them. Then they should scotch-tape each of those stacks of money to the first page of a sales letter and send the whole mess by Fed Ex or DHL to all their prospective clients... and then... follow-up with a person-to-person phone call.
Imagine: You're a top dog exec in a big fish company, you get a Fed Ex package with a letter with a packet of actual money from various Pacific Rim countries scotch-taped to the first page of a letter like this:
Top Dog Exec
c/o Big Fish, Inc.
123 Elm St.
Massillon, OH 44646
Dear Mr. Top Dog Exec:
I am writing to ask of you a small favor.
All I want is for you to take the rubber band off the packet of money attached to this letter and look carefully at each of the bills. They are all real. Each one of these bills is an official government banknote from a different Pacific Rim country.
Why am I sending you all this money? The answer is simple: You see, your company, Big Fish, Inc., manufactures a line of products that would sell like crazy in every one of the Pacific Rim countries from which I have sent you a sample banknote. This could be a brand new profit center for Big Fish, Inc. which, in fact, could turn out to be... even bigger... then the domestic market for your widgets here in the U.S.
In truth, selling your product line in these countries could become a dream come true for Big Fish, Inc. It has the realistic potential of tripling your corporate profits.
On the other hand, attempting to market in these countries can become a nightmare for an American corporation if they don't have the right connections and are not aware of local business customs and all the other inside secrets that makes everything go smoothly and profitably.
That's where (hopefully) I can help you. My company, Rim Job, Inc., specializes in guiding American corporations into high profit situations in various Pacific Rim countries... and... we feel Big Fish, Inc. is exactly the kind of company, with exactly the kind of product line, we like to work with.
I'd like to explain in more detail how a relationship with Rim Job, Inc. could be very profitable for Big Fish, Inc. and I will call you later this week to set up an appointment at your convenience.
Thank you for the courtesy of reading this letter.
Sincerely,
Eldridge J. Fogbottom
P.S. If you have children, that packet of money can be a great birthday
gift which will get your child interested in global geography.
Talk to you soon.
OK, admit it: If you were Top Dog Exec and you got that Fed Ex package, with that letter and all that money, you'd be impressed, wouldn't you? You'd also probably take Mr. Fogbottom's call too, wouldn't you? And, you'd probably give him an appointment, right? And, if he truly had his shit wrapped tight, there's an excellent chance you would end up doing biz with Fogbottom and Rim Job, Inc.
Correctamundo?
The two guys who called me for advice were stunned when I came up with this great idea right on the spot. I was glad I'd helped them.
Or so I thought.
About a month later they called me again. They said they were looking for another idea. "You mean that one didn't work?" I asked incredulously. "I can't believe it. How many did you mail and what kind of response did you get?"
They hadn't mailed any. But they loved the idea and thought it was "fun" to talk with a creative genius like me and and they wanted to see if I could give them yet another "killer" idea.
I was livid. I got as verbally abusive as I could. I told them to never call me again. You know, to give another person a really good idea, an idea that may solve a major problem for them... and then... have them not even give it a shot... well... that just pisses me off big time. I've found out some things about myself in the last few years and, one of those insights is... I burn with desire to be a really great teacher!
God knows how many people are rich because of what I have taught them. I've received 3,000+ letters of appreciation from such people. But it still gets me, it really gets me, when I can't "get through" to someone.
Like most caring teachers, I am emotional about my "students." I love it when they succeed. I love it when they eclipse me.
But, you know what? I've been writing this letter and giving speeches and seminars for more than a decade... and... there are lots of people who've read nearly every word I've written, been to most all the seminars I've given, bought all my tapes and videos... and...
They Still Do Nothing!
And you know what I think? I think maybe, if something comes too easy, many people don't appreciate it. However, if they have to "work" to get your pearls of wisdom, if they have to make a "mental investment" to "get" what you have to teach... well, maybe... they'll value it more, realize how precious it is and act on what you've taught them.
Which brings me to why I referred to myself as a "sometimes asshole" at the beginning of this letter and, how, right here I'm going to prove it. (Actually, I suspect there's a lot of people who have no trouble whatsoever with the concept of Gary Halbert being an asshole.)
Anyway, here's the scoop: I know something I bet you'd love to know. And, I'm willing to lay it on you. But, I'm going to give you a mental workout and make you jump through some hoops rather than throw it at you like pearls before swine. First, to get you motivated to actually endure my Machivellian manipulations, I guess I'd better jump start your greed glands by telling you what it is I know I bet you'd like to know. Here it is:
I Know How To Make
Money Using E-Mail And
Web Sites!
Lots of people pretend to know but they really don't. They'll do stuff like tell you how important it is to have an "Internet Presence" and, how they can design and help you set up a killer web site for only $10,000 or so. You'll get your web site alright. That part is true. What you won't get however is orders and profits. Almost nobody makes money with E-mail. Almost nobody makes money on the world wide web.
But I do. I've been doing it quietly for about 36 months now... and... I'm going to teach you how to do it too.
Before I do though, let's see if you can figure it out for yourself after I give you a bunch of seemingly unrelated facts. You know, one of the gifts of a real creative problem solver is he or she can take unrelated bits of info and end up tying together all that random data in such a way as to answer an important question or come up with a breakthrough concept. Now listen: No matter how crazy it sounds, every single fact I'm about to reveal is related to making profits via E-mail.
Pray let us proceed.
FACT 1: A recent edition of the National Enquirer, the May 27, 1997 edition with these headlines on the cover, "Jon Benet Secret Police Files," "Who's Gay Who's Not," and "Dying Sinatra Confined To Wheelchair"... well anyway, that issue has two ads you should have in your "swipe file" and, lurking within those ads is a major key to making E-mail pay a profit.
One of those ads is a full-page masterpiece with the headline: "KILL FOOT PAIN DEAD!" This ad does not ask for an order. It is designed to generate leads. Here's the coupon used in the ad:
Free! Send No Money
FEATHERSPRING INTERNATIONAL, INC.
712 N. 34th Street, Dept. NE-057 l Seattle, WA 98103-8881
n YES! I want to end my foot pain. Please rush, at no risk, the FREE FACT KIT that tells me all about Flexible Featherspring Foot Supports. I understand there is no obligation and no salesperson will call. I will look for a LARGE PINK ENVELOPE containing all the details.
Print Name __________________________________________________________________________
Address_____________________________________________________________________________
City _________________________________ State _________________ Zip_____________________
Trust me, the wording of that coupon contains a crucial element related to making E-mail profits.
The next ad is a masterpiece also... but... this one is two full pages. Do you have any idea how much it costs to run two full-page ads in the Enquirer?
Anyway, this is a very copy intensive ad with the following headline:
Can you feel your need to smoke
disappear this quickly and easily?
There are countless men and women who finally stopped smoking, even though they no longer believed they could. Their success is documented in written testimonials. Here are extracts from some of the letters that have been sent to Andre Passebecq:
Yadda, yadda, yadda...
Guess what? This ad doesn't ask for an order either. It's also a lead-generator. Here's the coupon used in that ad:
Detach this form and return to:
Bodywell, Inc.
PO Box 3014
Wallingford, CT 06494
Please indicate: Your age _____
How old you were when you started smoking _____
How many cigarettes you smoke per day _____
Your present weight _____
Yes, I would like to get rid of my desire to smoke, quickly and easily. Your completely free offer of information about the Passebecq Method interests me. I understand that I am in no way obligated to buy anything whatsoever, and that no salesperson will ever contact me.
Please send me the package in discreet wrapping by first class mail.
____________________________
Name
____________________________
Street Address
____________________________
Apt #
____________________________
City
____________________________
State Zip
ATBP06-1
FACT 2: In the early 1980's a guy walks into the Coach & Horses Bar on Sunset Boulevard in Los Angeles. There's a bunch of other guys at the bar and a pretty girl sitting by herself. Several of the barflys are seriously trying to lay a line on this pretty young chick. None of them make any progress. But, the guy who just walked in and, who had never seen this young lady before, walks up to her and speaks to her quietly for a few minutes. The young lady smiles and gets up and leaves immediately with this guy. Can you guess why? (And no, she wasn't a hooker.)
FACT 3: A few years back I encouraged all my readers to run the following ad in their local newspaper:
Women Needed To Address Envelopes At Home.
Must Have Typewriter, PC Or Good Handwriting.
Call (000) 000-000
Several of my subscribers ran that ad and learned something incredibly valuable. (Something that today, relates strangely to making a profit using E-mail.) Three of my subscribers immediately "got it" after they ran it and they went on to make a very fast $750,000 profit because of what they had learned.
FACT 4:
As I revealed in an earlier issue of this newsletter, last year is the first year more messages were sent via E-mail than via the U.S. Postal System.
FACT 5: 75% of all business executives who use the Internet, use it only for E-mail.
FACT 6: There's a company that works with dentists which provides a really interesting service for them. What this company furnishes dentists with is, the name and address of every person who lives in the Zip codes near to where that dentist's practice is located... PLUS... any of those people who have a PC and who use E-mail... well... the dentist gets all those E-mail addresses also.
PAY ATTENTION! Did you hear what I just wrote? I said you can get the E-mail addresses... PLUS... the real street addresses of millions of people. Do you understand the importance of that? Of having a person's real address and their E-mail address?
I bet you don't.
FACT 7: There are several companies in the U.S. that will set up mass conference calls for you. You can have hundreds of people on the same call. Nothing new there, right? But, check this out: You can ask those people questions and, they can give you their answer by punching a button on their touch-tone phone.
Here's what one company does: They get several hundred people on a conference call and then, they expertly explain what they have to offer. Then, near the end of the call, they say something like this: "We have three questions we'd like to ask everybody on this call: (1) Do you like what you've heard and are ready to sign up right now? (2) Are you interested but you feel you need more information? (3) Are you not interested at all? If you are interested and ready to go, please press one; if you want more info, please press two; if you are not interested at all, please press three.
Hundreds of people then press one of those three buttons all at the same time. Then, after a little more chit-chat, the host concludes the conference call.
20 minutes later, the company that arranged the conference call, has the name, address and telephone number of all those people who pressed those buttons and...
Those Names Are Separated
By Which Button
They Pushed!
Yahoo! A dim light has started to glow in your sick, little mind, hasn't it?
Yes, you be right, Bubba. Those hot leads, the people who pressed button #1 ("I'm ready to buy") are phoned back immediately by telephone sales people!
Is that slick, or what?
FACT 8: The king of junk E-mail is a Philadelphia man named Sanford Wallace who runs a company called CyberPromotions. He sends nearly 4 million E-mail ads... daily!
FACT 9: E-mail is the most widely-used application on the Internet with 11 million users.
FACT 10: www.answers.com could easily be the most useful web page ever. It has a network of real people who can answer almost any question you might have with hard facts and a little personality. Answers to easy questions will cost you $1.79. Moderately-difficult questions cost $5.99 and, if your question requires research, you're gonna have to fork out $11.99. You post a question, pick a price range and click the send button. Within 24-hours, one of 40 researchers from around the world will send you a personalized letter by return E-mail.
The answers are typically several paragraphs long and come from a wide variety of reference sources which are listed at the end. If the sources include web sites, the answer includes hot links. Before users get their answers, a group of answers.com quality assurance employees go through responses to make sure they have answered the specific questions satisfactorily. There's also an option to ask for clarification if the questioner wants an even more detailed answer.
FACT 11: For $99 you can get software that types whatever you dictate. This software has a bigger vocabulary and is a better speller than any college kid. For immediate delivery call 1-800-IBM-7235 ext. 5296 or, for more info, visit www.software.ibm.com/is/voicetype.
FACT 12: Another piece of software called Globalink Power Translator translates documents, web pages... and E-mail... from English into French, German, Italian and Spanish. Check it out by calling Globalink at 1-800-837-2095 ext. 8001.
FACT 13: 81% of the readers of the International Tribune now communicate via PC's, 73% E-mail and faxes, laptops and the Internet. They also spend 1/2 hour daily reading the paper. This data is from a survey of which you can (and should) get a summary by calling (212) 752-3890.
FACT 14: The six top markets for international phone calls from the U.S. are, in rank order:
BANK/COUNTRY AVERAGE PER
MINUTES CHARGE MINUTES
PER YEAR
1. Canada 34 cents 3.05 billion
2. Mexico 85 cents 2.01 billion
3. U.K. 73 cents 1.03 billion
4. Germany 88 cents 662 million
5. Japan $1.00 576 million
6. Dominican Republic 84 cents 410 million
FACT 15: There are 50 companies with compiled directories of E-mail addresses. These are not web site directories. They are directories of personal E-mail addresses. You can check out a couple of them at http://www.four11.com and http://www.bigyellow.com. (That last dot is the period at the end of my sentence, not part of the E-mail address.)
FACT 16: People who keep their mailing list on a computer need to be very careful. Believe me, I know. Here's an article that will explain one reason why this is true:
Mailing list
gobbled
In 1984 I began a desperate search for people who have a progressive neuromuscular disorder called Charcot-Marie-Tooth disease. I was born with CMT, and I felt that I was the only person with it. I was a newspaper reporter, and I knew the power of a letter to the editor. Through these letters I found thousands of people who had the same disease. I started a newsletter and a nonprofit organization called CMT International.
On Nov 18, one of our oldest computers went down and took with it our 4,700-name mailing list. Many of the people on it were from the United States, particularly Florida, and we have no way of contacting them.
Please help us find our former members and reach new ones. To contact CMT International, call (905) 687-3630.
LINDA CRABTREE
St. Catharines, Ontario, Canada
FACT 17: If you do a sales campaign which lets people fax in their orders and, you can't handle all the faxes, you need FAX OVERFLOW. Info's available by calling (305) 780-2855.
FACT 18: Gary Halbert has quietly been making thousands of dollars from the Internet and E-mail for the last 36-months.
FACT 19: Gary Halbert is an asshole and has decided to make his subscribers figure it out for themselves for a change.
You've got the facts, now go to it.
Sincerely,
Gary C. Halbert
"Asshole"
Sex and Money
As you can see, I have enclosed a rather eye-catching photo with this letter.
Why have I done this? It's simple...
To Help You Learn A Way
To Make A Lot More Money!
You'll understand completely when you've finished reading this newsletter.
After that dud of a newsletter last month, I have decided to make up for it this month by giving you some info which will be profitable and interesting. This issue is gonna be all about...
Sex And Money!
Money first.
When I got started in the direct response business, the postage cost to mail a one-ounce, first-class letter was 6¢. Now, it's up to 37¢.
But hold on un momentito. The per capita income of the U.S. when I started in direct response back in 1968 was $2,231... and... the per capita income now is about $22,400. That means, first-class postage has risen in price by 617%... but... our average per capita income has gone up 1004%.
So, when you adjust for inflation, it is actually cheaper to buy a stamp now than it was more than 30-years ago. Trust me, for a "certain" reason, this is going to be a very exciting piece of information (after you finish reading this letter), which pertains to you.
But, meanwhile, just for fun, let's examine the cost of buying a first-class stamp each year all the way back to 1900.
In 1900, the cost of a first-class stamp was 2¢. It stayed at 2¢ for 16 years! Then, in 1917, the cost went to 3¢... which was a 50% increase. It stayed that way for two years until 1919... when... they dropped the price back to 2¢!
You know what's weird? When they went from 2¢ to 3¢, it was a 50% jump in price. But, when the price dropped back to 2¢, it was only a 33% reduction in price. Does that mean you could buy shit for $20 and sell it for $30 (a 50% jump in price)... and then... buy it back for $20 (a 33% reduction in price)... and... thus make a 17% profit? (50% minus 33% equals 17%)
Somehow, I know this ain't so... but... it sure would be a neat way to make money if it was so, wouldn't it?
Anyway, in 1919 stamps were selling for 2¢ again and they didn't go up until 1932 when they rose to 3¢. After that, the rate of a stamp stayed at 3¢ for 26 years all the way to 1958 when it started selling to the tune of 4¢ apiece.
How long did that 4¢ figure last? Only five years this time. In 1963 stamps increased to a nickel (5¢) apiece. Five years go by and, in 1968, they are charging 6¢.
That rate only lasted three years. In 1971, stamps soared to 8¢ each. Again, only three years pass until the next price increase. In 1974, 10¢ would fetch you a first-class stamp. A mere one year later, the going rate hiked to 13¢. After three years of selling at 13¢, in 1978 the price of a first-class stamp advanced to 15¢. In 1981, 19¢. In 1985, 22¢. In 1988, 25¢. In 1991, 29¢. In 1995 they advanced to 32¢. In 1999, up a penny to 33¢. In 2001, up another penny to 34¢. And now, in 2002, the price of a first-class stamp is only 37¢.
You know what this all translates to? Just this:
First-Class Postage Stamps Are
Now The BEST Bargain You
Can Get Your Hands On!
At least, if you are in direct marketing. Escucha! (That means "listen" in Spanish.) Escucha: About 10 years ago, only 7 out of 100 pieces of mail were what I call "A-Pile" mail. That's mail which is, or which appears to be, a first-class personal letter. By making sure all my letters got into that A-Pile, I had an enormous advantage over nearly everyone else selling by direct mail.
And Now... That Same
Advantage Is Humongous!
People hardly ever send letters anymore. Instead, people are using e-mail. In fact, I bet now, only about 1 out of 200 pieces of mail are (or appear to be) A-Pile mail.
In a newsletter I wrote years ago, I described how, when I was a little boy, the phone rang at my Grandma's house and the operator would say, "You have a long distance call." The entire household would come to attention. Someone would say in a hushed tone, "Grandma, it's long distance!"
The impact of a long distance phone call in those days was tremendous.
Nowadays, of course, a long distance call is so routine, nobody gives it a second thought. Even an international call doesn't cause much of a flurry anymore.
Anyway, in that same newsletter, I said I was the biggest customer of Federal Express in all of Monroe County, Florida. And, as I also explained, I didn't use FedEx because of their speed of delivery. No, I used FedEx... because of...
The Impact A Federal Express
Package Had On A Recipient!
This was especially true of someone who didn't work in an office. Even today, Federal Express packages are given enormous attention by a person who receives one at his or her house.
Now, because of that tiny percent of letters which are actually real letters...
You Can Get A Similar Impact For Your
Sales Message For Only 37¢!
Let's add some grease to the frying pan. Some group of morons (I don't know if they were government morons or advertising morons) have just completed a study which revealed... sex does NOT work in advertising.
What Pure
Unadulterated Bullshit!
What is really true is... sex used improperly does not work in advertising. It's like saying headlines don't work in advertising... or... words don't work in advertising. Actually, that's true... if... you are talking about stupid headlines and stupid words.
Sex (used properly) can enormously improve the profitability of your advertising. But, many advertising experts have had it beaten into their brains that "sex sells"... without ever being taught... it is only "sex used properly" which increases sales.
Let's talk about (and allow me to illustrate) how sex is often used improperly.
Let's say some big company is selling a laundry detergent. They run television, newspaper and magazine ads featuring a woman with gigantic breasts. Those ads will be remembered. The women who see the ads will remember them with disgust. The men will remember them because they will fixate on those gigantic breasts. But, you know what? Because of improper use of sex in that advertising...
Nobody Will Remember The
Name Of The Laundry Detergent!
There are different types of sex appeal. Take Penelope Cruz, for instance. She's beautiful, she's sexy... and... she looks like a nice person. Men like her. Women like her. Thus, she is perfect for the perfume campaign she models for.
On the other hand, can you even imagine a woman who would buy "Pamela Anderson Perfume"?
Pamela Anderson and other women with her type of "sex appeal" are perfect for advertising targeted to the "Slamhead" market. In case you don't know, a "Slamhead" is a young, male beer drinker (most often a college student) who, after he drinks his beer, slams the empty can into his forehead, then finishes crumbling it with his hand... and then... throws the crushed can away. These are the guys who howl like dogs at bikini contests, urinate off hotel balconies, and buy videos of "Girls Gone Wild."
"Slamheads" are attracted to Pamela Anderson. So, if "Slamheads" are your target market, use her or a woman like her.
But, most of your marketing efforts will not be targeted to "Slamheads." And, since that's the case, our marketing efforts need to use a different kind of sex appeal. In my last issue, I suggested you peruse this particular website...
www.SirianCalendar.com
You know what I forgot? Odd as it may seem, many of my readers still don't have or use computers. So, for those people (and for those of you who haven't been to that website recently), I am going to reproduce in this newsletter something which is now on the website:
Why have I done this? It's simple...
To Help You Learn A Way
To Make A Lot More Money!
You'll understand completely when you've finished reading this newsletter.
After that dud of a newsletter last month, I have decided to make up for it this month by giving you some info which will be profitable and interesting. This issue is gonna be all about...
Sex And Money!
Money first.
When I got started in the direct response business, the postage cost to mail a one-ounce, first-class letter was 6¢. Now, it's up to 37¢.
But hold on un momentito. The per capita income of the U.S. when I started in direct response back in 1968 was $2,231... and... the per capita income now is about $22,400. That means, first-class postage has risen in price by 617%... but... our average per capita income has gone up 1004%.
So, when you adjust for inflation, it is actually cheaper to buy a stamp now than it was more than 30-years ago. Trust me, for a "certain" reason, this is going to be a very exciting piece of information (after you finish reading this letter), which pertains to you.
But, meanwhile, just for fun, let's examine the cost of buying a first-class stamp each year all the way back to 1900.
In 1900, the cost of a first-class stamp was 2¢. It stayed at 2¢ for 16 years! Then, in 1917, the cost went to 3¢... which was a 50% increase. It stayed that way for two years until 1919... when... they dropped the price back to 2¢!
You know what's weird? When they went from 2¢ to 3¢, it was a 50% jump in price. But, when the price dropped back to 2¢, it was only a 33% reduction in price. Does that mean you could buy shit for $20 and sell it for $30 (a 50% jump in price)... and then... buy it back for $20 (a 33% reduction in price)... and... thus make a 17% profit? (50% minus 33% equals 17%)
Somehow, I know this ain't so... but... it sure would be a neat way to make money if it was so, wouldn't it?
Anyway, in 1919 stamps were selling for 2¢ again and they didn't go up until 1932 when they rose to 3¢. After that, the rate of a stamp stayed at 3¢ for 26 years all the way to 1958 when it started selling to the tune of 4¢ apiece.
How long did that 4¢ figure last? Only five years this time. In 1963 stamps increased to a nickel (5¢) apiece. Five years go by and, in 1968, they are charging 6¢.
That rate only lasted three years. In 1971, stamps soared to 8¢ each. Again, only three years pass until the next price increase. In 1974, 10¢ would fetch you a first-class stamp. A mere one year later, the going rate hiked to 13¢. After three years of selling at 13¢, in 1978 the price of a first-class stamp advanced to 15¢. In 1981, 19¢. In 1985, 22¢. In 1988, 25¢. In 1991, 29¢. In 1995 they advanced to 32¢. In 1999, up a penny to 33¢. In 2001, up another penny to 34¢. And now, in 2002, the price of a first-class stamp is only 37¢.
You know what this all translates to? Just this:
First-Class Postage Stamps Are
Now The BEST Bargain You
Can Get Your Hands On!
At least, if you are in direct marketing. Escucha! (That means "listen" in Spanish.) Escucha: About 10 years ago, only 7 out of 100 pieces of mail were what I call "A-Pile" mail. That's mail which is, or which appears to be, a first-class personal letter. By making sure all my letters got into that A-Pile, I had an enormous advantage over nearly everyone else selling by direct mail.
And Now... That Same
Advantage Is Humongous!
People hardly ever send letters anymore. Instead, people are using e-mail. In fact, I bet now, only about 1 out of 200 pieces of mail are (or appear to be) A-Pile mail.
In a newsletter I wrote years ago, I described how, when I was a little boy, the phone rang at my Grandma's house and the operator would say, "You have a long distance call." The entire household would come to attention. Someone would say in a hushed tone, "Grandma, it's long distance!"
The impact of a long distance phone call in those days was tremendous.
Nowadays, of course, a long distance call is so routine, nobody gives it a second thought. Even an international call doesn't cause much of a flurry anymore.
Anyway, in that same newsletter, I said I was the biggest customer of Federal Express in all of Monroe County, Florida. And, as I also explained, I didn't use FedEx because of their speed of delivery. No, I used FedEx... because of...
The Impact A Federal Express
Package Had On A Recipient!
This was especially true of someone who didn't work in an office. Even today, Federal Express packages are given enormous attention by a person who receives one at his or her house.
Now, because of that tiny percent of letters which are actually real letters...
You Can Get A Similar Impact For Your
Sales Message For Only 37¢!
Let's add some grease to the frying pan. Some group of morons (I don't know if they were government morons or advertising morons) have just completed a study which revealed... sex does NOT work in advertising.
What Pure
Unadulterated Bullshit!
What is really true is... sex used improperly does not work in advertising. It's like saying headlines don't work in advertising... or... words don't work in advertising. Actually, that's true... if... you are talking about stupid headlines and stupid words.
Sex (used properly) can enormously improve the profitability of your advertising. But, many advertising experts have had it beaten into their brains that "sex sells"... without ever being taught... it is only "sex used properly" which increases sales.
Let's talk about (and allow me to illustrate) how sex is often used improperly.
Let's say some big company is selling a laundry detergent. They run television, newspaper and magazine ads featuring a woman with gigantic breasts. Those ads will be remembered. The women who see the ads will remember them with disgust. The men will remember them because they will fixate on those gigantic breasts. But, you know what? Because of improper use of sex in that advertising...
Nobody Will Remember The
Name Of The Laundry Detergent!
There are different types of sex appeal. Take Penelope Cruz, for instance. She's beautiful, she's sexy... and... she looks like a nice person. Men like her. Women like her. Thus, she is perfect for the perfume campaign she models for.
On the other hand, can you even imagine a woman who would buy "Pamela Anderson Perfume"?
Pamela Anderson and other women with her type of "sex appeal" are perfect for advertising targeted to the "Slamhead" market. In case you don't know, a "Slamhead" is a young, male beer drinker (most often a college student) who, after he drinks his beer, slams the empty can into his forehead, then finishes crumbling it with his hand... and then... throws the crushed can away. These are the guys who howl like dogs at bikini contests, urinate off hotel balconies, and buy videos of "Girls Gone Wild."
"Slamheads" are attracted to Pamela Anderson. So, if "Slamheads" are your target market, use her or a woman like her.
But, most of your marketing efforts will not be targeted to "Slamheads." And, since that's the case, our marketing efforts need to use a different kind of sex appeal. In my last issue, I suggested you peruse this particular website...
www.SirianCalendar.com
You know what I forgot? Odd as it may seem, many of my readers still don't have or use computers. So, for those people (and for those of you who haven't been to that website recently), I am going to reproduce in this newsletter something which is now on the website:
Disaster Insurance!
Dear Friend & Subscriber,
I hope you have finished reading (and found value) in my last newsletter which was mostly about doing business with "The Bank For Insane People".
That was the one inside the envelope icon with the title "I Deserve A Black Belt In Self-Pity!"... which... was written about ten days ago.
But, you know what I hope even more? I hope you also read the other newsletter I told you to read titled "The Dark Side Of Success". You didn't know it when you read it but, that newsletter was completed and mailed out on February 6, 1988 which is...
More Than 15 Years Ago!
What I had to say in that letter is just as important NOW... as it was way back then. Actually, maybe even more so today.
During my forced vacation at "Club Fed" (Boron Federal Prison Camp) I wrote what is very likely the most important book anyone in America will ever read. It is also probably the most... valuable... book anyone will ever read. It was written under very difficult circumstances and it will give anyone who reads it an instant money-making education... the likes of which... is rather astonishing.
And, it is very personal. It was written specifically for my youngest son, Bond. It is perhaps, the most precious gift I have ever given him... and... the most precious gift... anyone else could possess.
That book has turned into a virtual "cult classic". Many businessmen keep it with them 100% of the time. Wherever they travel, the book is always in their briefcase so they can have access to its wisdom any time and any place they need it.
Enough build-up. Let's get to it. Listen: As you read in "The Dark Side Of Success", I've had a lot of strange things happen to me. I've been robbed, tied up, gagged, blindfolded, threatened and so on. I've made and lost millions. I've been eulogized, ostracized and plagiarized. I've also (as explained in that newsletter), been both a prison guard and a prisoninmate.
Do you still remember all that prison stuff I wrote about in "The Dark Side of Success"? It was ugly. As you may recall, I told you how I got involved with insane psychotherapists, mad-dog postal inspectors and a trio of lawyers. One of those lawyers was gunned down (literally), another was eventually disbarred, and the other was indicted along with his "crime partner" who was a judge. I also told you how I went through seven long years of "nightmare litigation" and how, after two trials, two appeals and one Supreme Court appeal, I got stuck serving 10 months in a federal prison camp in Boron, California for a crime that, in fact, in a moral sense, never even occurred.
Whatever. I think you'll agree with me when I say that newsletter was nota bunch of "woe is me" sniveling. No. That particular newsletter wasinstructive. It showed you why innocence is not enough and why you should watch out for a lot of "legal horrors" which can befall you... even if... your business is totally on the up-and-up and you personally are as honest as the day is long.
Strangely enough, that little vacation I had at "Club Fed" turned out to be (honestly) the most valuable experience I've ever had. I met some of the most intelligent, wealthiest, most creative and sometimes, some of thenicest people you could ever imagine. Not only that, it gave me time to write out a "crash course" in direct marketing for my youngest son who, for some insane reason, has decided to follow in his old man's footsteps.
So, toward this end, I wrote him a series of 25 long letters which contain, all in all, the most concise, hardest-hitting, no-holds-barred, direct marketing education available anywhere on this planet. These letters contain 196 handwritten pages of dynamite info!
But let me tell you this: These letters are raw. They pull no punches!
You know, when you are serving time, you don't feel much like pussy-footing around. Prison conversations go right for the jugular. So do these letters! What I was trying to do here was, give my son the fastest, most impactful education that can be transmitted by the written word.
I dare say I succeeded.
These letters contain a "stripped down" version of the most important secrets I've learned about how to sell by direct marketing. They explainexactly how to develop a "killer" ad or direct mail package right from the ground up. They teach you how to develop a "can't lose" marketing appeal. These letters cover everything from postage to layout; offer development and list selection; how to create a winning game plan... and... everything I wrote in this book will also help you create a profitable website. Here is a little more of what you will learn when you read this book:
s The basics of writing good copy!
s The fine points of writing good copy!
s What really makes people buy!
s How to lead your reader by the hand!
s Why you never get a second chance to make a first
impression...and... why you must "hook" your reader from the moment he sees your copy!
s How to give your ads and letters the right "look"!
s Secrets of order-pulling layouts!
s An essay on closing the sale!
s Exactly how to ask for an order!
s What you can learn about advertising from Alex Haley and his book Roots!
s How to make your copy clear and readable!
s The surest way to become a "big money" writer!
s Why you should write for money... and not... for applause!
s What to do when you don't know what to do!
s How to turn a losing catalog into a multi-million dollar success!
s HALT: How memorizing that acronym can keep you out of a lot of trouble!
s A prison inmate's "street smart" survival kit!
s Why "make a bushel of money" works better than "increase your income"!
s Six secrets of special deals you can write about in your letters!
s A little trick every copywriter should know!
s 7 exact steps to direct mail success!
s The most common marketing mistakes made by beginners!
s How to keep going when the going is hard!
s How to imprint the process of writing good ad copy on your nerves, muscle fibers, brain cells and every part of your physical and mental being!
s An emotional "tool kit" which can save your life!
s The most important key to making really serious money!
s How to become a student of markets!
s How to use the SRDS list book to make a fortune!
s A discussion of a 156-million-dollar promotion!
s Cheap research: How to make sure you'll hit the right nerve!
s Examples of winning formulas and "double customization"!
s How to get flowing again when you're stuck!
s How to discover the right central selling idea!
s How to use envelopes to "induce guilt"!
s A good "boilerplate" P.S. which can make you money!
s How to get orders from people who have already decided not to order!
s The best attention grabbers in the world!
s How to make your reader "picture with pleasure" what you are trying to sell!
s The ultimate layout for an order coupon!
s 8 things you should have at hand before you start to write an ad or direct mail piece!
s What you must always include in your marketing research!
s How to manufacture the "aha!" experience!
There's an awful lot more but, that should be enough to give you the idea. These letters read like greased lightning. Sometimes, when I was writing them, it was 114 degrees outside and I would be surrounded by every imaginable kind of felon. Coke dealers. Mafia hit men. Common murderers. Motorcycle maniacs. Bank robbers. Embezzlers. And so on.
I didn't have time for chaff. These letters are all wheat. They contain the most intense personal stuff I've ever written. It took me a while to make up my mind, but finally, I decided to publish and release them. They are collected between grim black covers and I titled them simply:
"The Boron Letters"
A few days ago, I saw an illegal, pirated copy of MY book for sale on the Internet (in damaged condition) for $225.00. I am now offering my book, "The Boron Letters" (in mint condition) for sale myself to all of my subscribers for a mere $97.00 and nothing extra for shipping and handling.
I have a mixture of motives for making this offer. In addition to the obvious one, I have another very conceited reason for wanting you to read this book. What is this "conceited" reason? It's simple...
I Want To
Show Off!
You see, if you think the information you have read so far in my newsletters is hot and valuable, just wait till you read the "advanced" (and sometimes sneaky) money-making info that comes in my book, "The Boron Letters".
"The Boron Letters" have been read by a very select group of people all over the world... and...
Many Of Them Say
That Book Has Made Them Rich!
Not only that, "The Boron Letters" are the most heartfelt messages I've ever written. It would be impossible for anyone to love anybody more than I love my children. And, in this case, I was trying to give my progeny the two most precious gifts I have to offer: My love and my expertise.
This book also contains a lot of wisdom on staying healthy and prospering in a mean world. I don't know if you have children or not but, if you do, you could do a lot worse than giving each of them a copy of this book.
Just one more thing: This book was written in a rather harsh environment and it contains a fair amount of profanity. I guess that's indicative of where I was and how I was feeling when I wrote it.
There are two ways you can order this book: The first way is to write your check in the amount of $97.00 payable to "Cherrywood Publishing" and send it to:
Cherrywood Publishing
3101 S.W. 34th Ave. #905-467
Ocala, FL 34474
If you do that, we will send your book immediately by First-Class Priority Mail...
Or... You Can Order It By Credit Card
And Be Reading The Book In The Next 15-Minutes!
Here's how it works: All you have to do is call my personal voicemail at1-305-866-3613. When you do that, you will hear my voice saying, "Hi, this is Gary Halbert. Thank you for calling this voicemail to order a copy of my book called 'The Boron Letters'. What I need you to do is speak slowly and clearly and leave your name and the type of credit card you are using to place your order. We accept Visa, MasterCard, or American Express. I also need the credit card number, the expiration date and the billing address of your credit card. Plus, I need you to leave me your e-mail address. As soon as I have all this information, I will send you a personal e-mail with an attachment you can download that contains every single page of my book, 'The Boron Letters'. And, unless I am in a meeting or sleeping or something like that, you can actually be reading my book within the next 15-minutes. Thank you again for your order and trusting me enough to order my book in this fashion."
Okay, after you hear that message, do just like it says and, almost instantly, I guarantee you will be reading the most fascinating book ever written.
Sincerely,
Gary C. Halbert
A Caring Father
P.S.
I bet if you search long and hard on the Internet, you can find someone who will sell you a copy of my book for less than the $97.00 I am charging for it. However, even if this turns out to be true, you should still order the book from me... because... you will also get an extra bonus that just might turn out to be the most valuable bonus you have ever received in your entire life!
Please let me describe it for you. If you ever find yourself in a situation like the one described in "The Dark Side Of Success", I will give you inside personal information on how to deal with those problems. And let me tell you something, in these kinds of situations, the information you can get from an intelligent ex-con (like me) is more valuable than all the information you could get from 100 high-paid lawyers. Most likely, I will be able to give you some information which will put an immediate end to the nightmare you are experiencing. If I can't do that, the information I give you will almost certainly result in your paying a lot less in lawyer fees... and... if worse comes to worse... that information will probably result in a much-lighter sentence (and probably no sentence at all) than you would have received otherwise. Let me tell you something: Your lawyer is NOT on your side. But, if you ever need it, I WILL be on your side. And, I will give you inside information which can literally save your ass.
Speaking of "saving your ass" a lot of men worry about getting raped if they are sent to prison. Quite frankly, that's a valid thing to worry about. But, if the worse case scenario does ever occur (you being sent to prison), you can get information from me which will give you a 99% chance of avoiding even this nightmare.
However, here's something you need to know. If you ever do need me to give you this kind of help, I will give it to you free... but... I will NOT give it to you over the telephone. I will NOT give it to you in a letter. I will NOT give it to you via the Internet. If you ever need this kind of information, you are going to have to come to me and you and I will strip down to our bathing suits and take a little dip in a pool or the ocean. It is only when we are in the water and I am absolutely certain you are not taping the conversation, that I will reveal to you these secrets which you will so desperately need to know.
Think about it: You can probably buy my book ("The Boron Letters")from somewhere else for less money (if you can find it) but, if you buy it from me and buy it immediately, the bonus I am offering you (if you ever need it) is the most important "disaster insurance" you could ever have.
One last thing: Don't you dare think terrible things like this will never happen to you because you don't ever do anything wrong. You don't have to do anything "wrong" to have horrible shit happen to you like I described in "The Dark Side Of Success". In the United States today, "innocence" is no longer a defense against anything.
Order the book now. As I tell all my clients, when it comes to preparing for a disaster...
It Is Better To Be Years Too Early...
Than... One Minute Too Late!
Peace.
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