Marketing Guru's SHit

You must be thinking that I am a fool to suggest you not to follow the techniques of the marketing gurus! Yes, this is exactly what I am saying and to hell with all the bogus and nonsensical marketing techniques of these guys who call themselves gurus. Don't believe me?

Well, then answer this. How many people like you have you seen succeeding by following the techniques taught by these so called gurus? The only people who succeed by selling such techniques are these pseudo intelligent, intellectual, etc.-etc. marketing gurus who claim they know everything.

Let's go back to the question and this time read it carefully and seriously. How many people have you seen succeeding by following these techniques? How many articles have YOU read that had titles like "10 Best Marketing Techniques that all you need to Succeed." What happened? You read them and thought that's it. Bingo! "Boy, I have what it needs to setup my million dollar empire online and be the next big thing" or whatever.

There's nothing wrong in dreaming and there's certainly no harm in believing in yourself. But putting your trust on such self-proclaimed gurus who do nothing but mint money by selling their futile and useless techniques to gullible users on the internet is the worst thing to do.

Wasting your time and money in these shitty things that actually serve no purpose is the stupidest and the most pathetic thing to do.

Now, you would start thinking what I am blabbering about. What do I want to say and why I am being so cynical to these marketing gurus and their "time tested" techniques. "Time tested", really? Do you even believe it yourself? Trust me, you don't. I will explain everything. The context of this blog and what my suggestions are; but first, take a moment's break, and a deep breath and think “ have you ever seen such techniques yielding really good results? If your answer is yes; well, all the best to you! It's your time and money to waste. Let it go down the drain. But if you feel what I am saying makes a little sense, keep reading.

Let's first look at some of the techniques that several marketing gurus promote. Along with it, I will tell you when to ignore them and also how you should adapt them or completely replace them with something more workable.

Follow-up and Hard Sell
You must have heard this umpteen number of times. Follow-up and hard sell a product. The customer will buy it. Or, that don't give up on a prospect and keep following up. Images like the one below are used to shove the statistics in your face.



Alright then! Do you really believe this shit in this age of internet and online sales? I mean what the hell on earth someone is thinking when telling you to keep following up your prospects till they buy.

Now, something like it might have worked if you were selling insurance to an old timer who doesn't know much about the internet why finds it hard to slap the door on the face. But try selling the same way online and it would be a matter of seconds when you"ll be blocked. Internet offers enormous choices to a buyer but it also gives you an access to a humongous pool of potential clients. Why waste time following up someone specific when there are thousands more out there who need exactly what you are selling.

A Big and an equally useless email list

Alright then. Build big, bigger, biggest email list and the customers will queue up to buy your product! That's the most blatant lie a marketing guru will tell you and if you really believe this shit, then only God can be your saviour!



Do you know a big email list is of no use if the people in your list are not interested in your emails selling your product or sending them your newsletters? How do you know that just because they haven't unsubscribed to your list they are reading your emails? It's possible all your emails are already marked as Spam by most of them.

Instead, focus on building an email list that contains email addresses of the people who are actually interested in receiving your emails. Try engaging with your contacts and if you find some of them aren't interested in talking to you, unsubscribe them and trim your list. Remember, quality will qualify your email list as a potent marketing method.
Quantity will only create more mess than you can clean up.

Stop boosting and speak the truth
So, let's touch upon the way our "Best Friends", the Marketing Gurus talk. Most of them use similar titles to their content - 10 or 20 or zillion ways to give an Amazing Boost to your business or grow your business 10 times in 10 days using these simple techniques. Now, I am really sick and tired of listening to such bullshit. I mean, I'm yet to see someone increasing even 10% of the business by following these "Amazing Marketing Techniques". These are blatant lies and the best examples of how marketers boost.

Stop doing that in your business. A customer will buy your product not just once but every time if you are truthful and honest. Boosting or false promises will allow you to sell once but soon the client would know and the next time you approach him, he would... you know where he'll kick you! Why would you want that? It's not that you won't have to sell again in the future. Be honest and kind and build a relationship with your clients forged on trust.

You might say that the marketing gurus don't ever ask to lie or boost. But then, it's exactly they are doing when their titles are so catchy and project something that's too good to be true.

Creating a sense of urgency
Okay! It's something you'd have already seen. You go to a website or a shop and see an offer - "Order in next 10 hours and get this or that free". If you've been advised to do something similar by a marketing guru in a "subtle" manner then ask him get lost. The best way to sell is to time your sale when a potential buyer needs a product and decides to buy it. Creating urgency could help with a flash sale but if want to make a real good offer and a long term relationship, better negotiate a discount with your clients individually.

Free (read crappy) gifts
That's the worst thing to do. Offering an ebook that nobody wants or something stupid that has no value. Avoid it. Your customers need stuff with real value, not some nugatory free crap, and they are willing to pay for it. So stop being a pain in their (you know where) and give them something useful.
Instead of telling them how lucky they are to receive your free stuff, invest the time and money in offering to help them in some way that will help you develop a meaningful and useful long term relation with them. If you want to give away anything for free, give them your time. They will appreciate it and trust me, will always keep trusting you.


Now that you've seen how marketing gurus propagate techniques that help no one except them to make money, it's time to use your brain that you've preserved so carefully. Use your own judgement and logic and stop following the herd. You aren't going to get anything out of it and will only end up losing your money and time. It's better to take a nap instead of listening to the idiotic ideas promoted to you as "expert" thoughts.